Makeup: covers up our shame and guilt, or does it?

As she walked into the room and took her seat you could sense there was no joy in her life.  She was allowing the shame and guilt of her past consume her. 

As the beauty consultant handed out the trays carefully filled with the evenings goodies, the mood was lightened with laughter and making of fun memories. 

 "Ooh this is warm.  Is this supposed to be warm?" Asked the mom as she washed her hands with the newly released product. 

The evening flew by as we learned which finger to use when applying foundations and make up correctly. The consultant did a fantastic job making us feel at home while making us look BEAUTIFUL...on the outside. 

We left that evening feeling like a million dollars because our outward look had been transformed, but our outward appearance can only take us so far. 

Shame and guilt trump makeup every time. I still remember thinking that if I just dressed up everyday, no jeans, no tennis shoes but heels, makeup and business professional clothing I would feel better about myself.  I wanted that million dollar feeling all day, every day.  

Changing our outward appearance without changing the inner person is a recipe for even more shame and guilt, when you realize your go to behavior is still the same. 

It was not until I changed my destructive go to behavior into a behavior that was filled with Gods unconditional love that my outward appearance and inward appearance were a mirror of joy; a radiant light the shines even on the gloomiest of days when I only want to wear sweatpants, a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. 

So many woman think that putting concealer under their eyes to illuminate that darkened area by covering it up, will change their lives.  I know this because I too was this woman for many years.  

It's time to come clean women with our junk that keeps us in bondage to thinking we are only worth the makeup we put on our face.  We need to find the true inner beauty that God so desperately wants to shine, His radiant cleanser called Jesus. 

Sex for a roof over your head?

She called and said "yes, I am still coming". Waiting patiently I prayed she would come. I really want her to get some new friends. She was late but she came. 

We asked her if she was hungry.  Her response was she really hadn't eaten in a few days, because her stomach was not setting just right.  By the way that is code word for "I need to keep what little money I have for gas in my car, not food in my stomach". 

We took her to lunch our treat. The conversation was light and superficial. It covered topics about how's the new job? How many hours are you getting? 

After dinner was done, she gave me a big hug and said "thank you". 

We all ran for our vehicles as the weather was changing. Settling into ours, my husband said "where is she living"?

With a friend I answered.  He knew by my tone there was more to it than that. "What kind of friend?  And what kind of arrangement?"

I tried to avoid the question because I knew he was not going to like the answer. "She told me the other day that it's an old friend, and she had no where to turn.  He is letting her stay with him, but it's not a good situation and she needs to get out."

"What do you mean it's not a good situation? Does he expect payment?" 

I guess the look on my face told my husband the payment was not of a monetary kind. 

Why do I tell you this story? This happens more than we want to admit. Women get between a rock and a hard place and they finally want to get off the roller coaster....the challenge comes when they try. 

People fail people.  When "Christians" say they want to help...they expect all the behaviors of the past in these women to go away immediately. Reality is, you cannot rid yourself of years of baggage, low self-esteem, low self-confidence,abuse or addictions in a matter of minutes because you have changed the environment. 

Changing the environment is a start, but showing unconditional love through real authentic relationships is long lasting and the hardest to do. 

Most of the women we work with will hurt you, it is a coping mechanism. They will hurt you before you hurt them.  They are used to disappointment and hurt as part of their normal life. 

Also when "Christians" want to help, it's usually on the "Christians" terms.  They don't say it but through actions they are telling the women: "I'm not the one who got myself into this mess, so if you will just do what I say your life will be better." You are correct "Christian" you may not be as bad off:  having to have sex just to pay a bill so your children have food on the table, electricity or a roof over their head... but you have junk in your life just like they do.

It is now February and Christmas is long gone.  This is what trash cans looked like after the "Christians" came to the "rescue" so the child had a very "materialistic" Christmas 

 Where are you today? Do you know where the mom and kids are today that you bestowed all these gifts upon not even 60 days ago? 

I know it's not Christmas and most people have gotten caught back up into the routine of their own life but what about the families you bought gifts for less than 60 days ago? 

What these families need most are "relationships".  Not relationships that bail them out, but relationships that empower them to DESIRE to change so they can one day be a giver not a receiver. 

Let us know if you want to be a change maker? 

Sidewalks and Needles

A few weeks ago I met a mom. Her life is in shambles due to choices she has made.  DRUGS have been her priority instead of her children. While I was standing there, her youngest came up to me.  I crouched down to her level and she let me pick her up. Not only did she let me pick her up, but she laid her head down and held me tight. I did not think anything about it...kids love me and let me pick them up all the time. Her mother, noticing that she let me pick her up commented to her friend "look, she NEVER does that". Again not thinking anything about it, I finished our conversation and that was the end. 

  

Fast forward to today.

We have not been to our home church in a few weeks due to traveling for conventions and a needed respite after being re-triggered and dealing with PTSD ( see prior blog post)

As I am sitting there,worship band playing, I am singing, I start to feel an oppression come over me. 

Now if you know me, people say I have the gift of intercessory prayer; God will wake me up out of a dead sleep and I will have to pray....sometimes God tells me who to pray for and sometimes not, but the prayers have always been generic: keep so and so safe, guide so and so, etc.   

Well this morning it was totally different... ( and if you don't believe in the Spiritual battles that are unseen, you will probably read this and want to have me committed).

I start to see this little girl from weeks ago. She is running to me. I bend down to pick her up, then I feel the need to pray for her mother and the other single mom that is keeping her children.  

As I am just praying a simple prayer of "God be with them.  Give them strength".  I feel God saying NO, I need you to pray specifics.  

By this time I am crying uncontrollably because as I am singing (the words that I have written below,from Chris Tomlin ) I now have this vision: I am seeing the mom that I met, laying on the sidewalk, a needle not far from her arm and I feel satan right there enticing her.  Now I am singing these words as my prayer to God for her. The oppression was so strong, the prescensce of evil was so prevalent. I felt like I was fighting for her life. 

 

You hear me when I call

You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night

It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy

Underneath my feet

You are my sword and shield

Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name

For You alone can save

You will deliver me

Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in Your hands

I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in Your hands

I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

You are faithful

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

I found myself singing these words with emphasis....praying her name....changing the words just a little to become a prayer, begging God to spare her. To save her.  

Then we took communion.  I found myself taking the bread and the cup and lifting them back up to God and saying " Lord may they know that this bread that represents Your body is for them also.  And this juice representing Your blood, was shed for them also.  No matter how bad she thinks she is or how awful the things she has done....You are calling for Your child to accept Your forgiveness".  So now I am crying again and we sing this song.....and again I start praying it as a specific pray for my new friend. 

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

This event was so real, the vision was so real.  I was exhausted.  I felt like I had been in a battle.  It hurt me so much for this mom, that I actually found the preachers phone number and texted during church to make sure that this mom was still alive.  

Again I have never had such a huge burden and oppression hit me for someone like this with specificity. And I am not sure why I felt the need to share this event, except maybe someone else needs to know that: no matter how bad your past or your past mistakes, the only step under consideration is the very next step.....and without God in your corner, (accepting Him as The Lord of your life, asking for forgiveness of yours sins, and repenting), success over the shame and guilt will NOT be achieved. You will stay in the cycle of "letting life happen", and you will not be free from your addiction.  

Roulette....the house always wins

My phone rang at 10:53pm, Hello I said.  The voice on the other end said "did you hear the news"?

I met her in a jail cell.  Her charges?, they don't matter.  What matters is that if you stopped long enough to see "her", not her lifestyle but her, you  could tell, she was empty and void of life.  She was full though, at the same time.  She was full of shame and guilt because of her lifestyle. 

I had great hopes for her, but she was closed off.  She had been hurt one too many times. The road of life and disappointments had made her callous to what I had to say. 

As class started, she talked about her job and the fact that she liked the attention. She could tell me every gift she had gotten from every ministry that walked through the doors of her work. 

This was her hope.  She knew she would never measure up to "those peoples" expectations, and  with shame and guilt being her guides, why even try? 

She was transferred to another jail, released on bond, and was due to start a program the next week.  But because her identity was wrapped up in attention and shame and guilt were her guides, she wanted one last horrah, before her freedom, as she saw it, was taken. 

"Just one more time", she would say. 

Now today her body will be laid to rest.  I can not tell you how many people say, as they are sitting across from me in a jail cell: I just wanted to do ______________,one more time."

Our human need, our selfish need is to, do what we want with no regard to the consequence. 

The world is Satan's playground and he gets people caught up in the thrill of "just one more"...... 

A game a chance, roulette, Russian or otherwise still has the same outcome.....the house always wins. 

So today, stop, take the time to notice the person, not the profession, habit or addiction...take time.  Not the pat answer of "God loves you".    Because right now God is not real to them....the drug is, the attention is, the hurt is, the _____________is.

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week if you watch my news feed you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer,

and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to "fix it" yourself....

Yep I am there.

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.  

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?

How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all! 

But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.

Be strong, all you people still left in the land.

And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 

My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today? 

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed. 

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!

Day 7... You are a Masterpiece

Last day....of praying specifically for what does God want from me....

So today may you mediate on Ephesians 2:10 as this prayer

Lord I know that You say in Your word that I am Your masterpiece.  I know that You created me anew in Christ Jesus.  I also know that You created me so that I could do the good things You planned for me long ago.... So Lord I pray that I will stop and listen and move when You tell me to move. Lord may I see myself as a masterpiece created.  Lord when the shame and guilt starts to rise and I start listening to the voices of the past that say I am worthless and especially not a masterpiece may I realize that those are lies from Satan keeping me from doing the good things You Lord planned long ago for me to do. -Amen 

Day 5

Jonah 2 (re-written for you to use as a prayer tonight)

“In my distress I called to You Lord,and You  answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and You listened to my cry. But yet, because of my disobedience,You still hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again" toward your holy temple.’ The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God brought my life up from the pit.


As you are praying for what it is you are supposed to do for God; don't let shame or guilt of your past or wrong doings keep you from thinking that God could never use you.  That is the work of Satan if you allow that way of thinking keep you from doing what God has planned for your life.

How did I get here?

How'd I get here? I'm a father of two beautiful children, my wife is the most amazing woman I know.  So why? Why do I feel like nothing matters anymore?  How could I have let this happen.  I was so careful.  I knew the warning signs, yet I ignored every single one of them.  Now how  can I be honest with my staff?  I'll have to step down. I'll just walk with my head down.

Shame....Guilt.... 2 of Satan's biggest weapons to get us to give up.

Repentance absolutely love Psalms 51. David wrote this after Nathan came to him about his adultery with Bathsheba

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,

    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence

    or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

    so that sinners will turn back to you.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

    you who are God my Savior,

    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 Open my lips, Lord,

    and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

    a broken and contrite heart

    you, God, will not despise.  

Don't let Satan use shame and guilt to keep you from seeking the forgiveness that God will extend to a repentant heart and life.