Sex for a roof over your head?

She called and said "yes, I am still coming". Waiting patiently I prayed she would come. I really want her to get some new friends. She was late but she came. 

We asked her if she was hungry.  Her response was she really hadn't eaten in a few days, because her stomach was not setting just right.  By the way that is code word for "I need to keep what little money I have for gas in my car, not food in my stomach". 

We took her to lunch our treat. The conversation was light and superficial. It covered topics about how's the new job? How many hours are you getting? 

After dinner was done, she gave me a big hug and said "thank you". 

We all ran for our vehicles as the weather was changing. Settling into ours, my husband said "where is she living"?

With a friend I answered.  He knew by my tone there was more to it than that. "What kind of friend?  And what kind of arrangement?"

I tried to avoid the question because I knew he was not going to like the answer. "She told me the other day that it's an old friend, and she had no where to turn.  He is letting her stay with him, but it's not a good situation and she needs to get out."

"What do you mean it's not a good situation? Does he expect payment?" 

I guess the look on my face told my husband the payment was not of a monetary kind. 

Why do I tell you this story? This happens more than we want to admit. Women get between a rock and a hard place and they finally want to get off the roller coaster....the challenge comes when they try. 

People fail people.  When "Christians" say they want to help...they expect all the behaviors of the past in these women to go away immediately. Reality is, you cannot rid yourself of years of baggage, low self-esteem, low self-confidence,abuse or addictions in a matter of minutes because you have changed the environment. 

Changing the environment is a start, but showing unconditional love through real authentic relationships is long lasting and the hardest to do. 

Most of the women we work with will hurt you, it is a coping mechanism. They will hurt you before you hurt them.  They are used to disappointment and hurt as part of their normal life. 

Also when "Christians" want to help, it's usually on the "Christians" terms.  They don't say it but through actions they are telling the women: "I'm not the one who got myself into this mess, so if you will just do what I say your life will be better." You are correct "Christian" you may not be as bad off:  having to have sex just to pay a bill so your children have food on the table, electricity or a roof over their head... but you have junk in your life just like they do.

It is now February and Christmas is long gone.  This is what trash cans looked like after the "Christians" came to the "rescue" so the child had a very "materialistic" Christmas 

 Where are you today? Do you know where the mom and kids are today that you bestowed all these gifts upon not even 60 days ago? 

I know it's not Christmas and most people have gotten caught back up into the routine of their own life but what about the families you bought gifts for less than 60 days ago? 

What these families need most are "relationships".  Not relationships that bail them out, but relationships that empower them to DESIRE to change so they can one day be a giver not a receiver. 

Let us know if you want to be a change maker? 

Catch 22

The truth is......

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way...

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram "debilitating mentalities".  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don't want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe ( usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities.... She is hearing....

"You did something to deserve this"

"No one will believe you because you're just a prostitute".

"You call the police, they won't believe you, look at your rap sheet".

So the truth is..... Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of "healthy people", walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when "their excuses" are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they "slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors"... To not judge so harshly that you say "screw this, you're not worth my time", and walk away.  Your relationship may change, but we don't add to the shame by saying "I new you'd mess up.  I knew you couldn't do it".  That does not help anyone get healthy.

Anger....don't let it control you.

Don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives the devil a foothold.

In today's world we let things get to us and we hold it in.  Those feelings then can turn into anger. Without addressing the actual annoyance, then we allow it to turn into full blown anger.

As we allow our anger to control us we do stupid things.
Maybe it will be as simple as using language not becoming or slamming of doors or throwing of objects.
More serious would be having our hands actually touch another person, an animal or even getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while the anger is in control of us.

As we allow the anger to control our actions and REACTIONS.... We know the outcome will not be good.

Simply you may have to apologize to someone for the language or the slamming of an object, or maybe you will have to fix a door or patch the wall.

But is it really a simple fix?

No, anger does a lot of damage behind the scenes as well, even what I call simple anger.

You will always be wondering; what's going to set that person off today?  And if you are a person who wants revenge and you know the other person is controlled by anger you may intentionally do things to get a rise out of them so that they will go out of control.

Anger is a huge issue as the stress of life gets to us.  You may think you don't have an anger problem....well think about it this way.

If your child interrupts you while you are concentrating on getting an email out or trying to get everyone out the door to a church function.....how do you parent in the moment?

We learn by watching....Monkey see, Monkey do.....

So if you don't like how those around you are acting...maybe it's time to look in the mirror.

We always want the quick fix and the pat answer its not my fault, I would never act like that nor do that.....you are correct you may not have done what they are doing, but it still has the root issue.....ANGER is controlling them instead of US controlling our anger.