Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week if you watch my news feed you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer,

and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to "fix it" yourself....

Yep I am there.

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.  

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?

How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all! 

But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.

Be strong, all you people still left in the land.

And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 

My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today? 

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed. 

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!

Catch 22

The truth is......

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way...

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram "debilitating mentalities".  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don't want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe ( usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities.... She is hearing....

"You did something to deserve this"

"No one will believe you because you're just a prostitute".

"You call the police, they won't believe you, look at your rap sheet".

So the truth is..... Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of "healthy people", walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when "their excuses" are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they "slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors"... To not judge so harshly that you say "screw this, you're not worth my time", and walk away.  Your relationship may change, but we don't add to the shame by saying "I new you'd mess up.  I knew you couldn't do it".  That does not help anyone get healthy.

My Heart Breaks For You

My heart breaks as I read statuses, as I look at photos, and read replies.

"Oh, how dare they, they can't do that."

"Oh, don't the both of you look cute".

"Oh what a beautiful child, I am so proud and happy for you".

"Don't they know how much I need a job".

"She'll get hers, I can promise you that".

Following what you want in life is called following the desires of our sinful nature.

Some of the things we do when we are following the world, friends, the crowds, latest fads or trends or when our go to behavior only has our personal satisfaction as its best interest, these following examples can be the result:

sexual immorality: immoral is defined as deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong. So put the word sexual in front of that then you have:  deliberately violating sexually accepted principles of right and wrong.

impurity: the quality of being corrupt, no longer being pure

lustful pleasures: lustful is defined as having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire.     Pleasure is defined as a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. So lustful pleasures is defined as: having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire and getting satisfaction and enjoyment from it.

idolatry: the act of showing respect and love for something and placing it into a higher place even over yourself.

sorcery:  exercising  supernatural powers through the aid of evil spirits; black magic; witchery.

hostility: an unfriendly attitude or action

quarreling: to have an angry argument or disagreement

jealousy: resentment against a rival, or against a person enjoying success.

outbursts of anger: a sudden release of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

selfish ambition: to only look out and think about oneself.

dissension: strong disagreement

division: the act of separating into parts

envy: a feeling of discontented because you want someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

drunkenness: the state of being intoxicated

wild parties: out of control, amazingly out of this world get together's

When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear:

1. Figuring out how to get out of jail
2. Figuring out if the person/people that were with you are even still alive
3. Trying to remember who you were with and what you did
4. 6 weeks later either making the call or being on the receiving end of the call:  "I'm having a baby" or "you're going to be a father".
5. Living up to what you did last weekend
6. 9 months later realizing you are now responsible for this little person for the next 18 years
7. Being controlled by demons and evil spirits
8. Feeling unworthy
9. Feeling dirty
10. Doing illegal activity so you can have what you can't afford because you want what other people have
11. Doing illegal activity just because you aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make money, save money and provide for yourself and your family

To change, to quit making excuses takes a NEW BEHAVIOR and a NEW DESIRE.

It can be done, but it takes a will power to want to change.

Step 1:You have to first and foremost know who YOU are, and what YOU really want to be.
Step 2: Then you have to surround yourself with people that are like what you want to become.
Step 3: Then you have to repeat step one and two over and over again.

So why does my heart breaks?

 Because I know that the people writing these statuses have more to offer this world.

Impurities, they do the body good....RIGHT?

 2 years ago I was told that if I wanted to continue to walk that I needed to start watching my diet.  It was found out that my body decided it didn't like gluten, corn,dairy,egg whites, peanuts and all by products, oh yeah and it doesn't like the metal Gold.

When I told my husband I could not wear my wedding rings anymore it actually went like this: " hey honey, my body is now allergic to my wedding rings". That went over like a lead balloon. But Thanksgiving came, and I knew of a place that had real looking costume jewelry, so thank you to everyone who comments on my ring....it was $21 in Gatlinburg.

No back to the real reason  for today's blog...

This past couple of weeks we got a new gluten free pizza crust in that actually crunches when you eat it and  it tastes....phenomenal. Well I was craving a real pizza so I made not one real pizza, but over the past few weeks I made.....well lets say I lost count. Then I had a few dinners and brunches to attend to and tried to eat what I could... But again no self-control and I ate more dairy.  

This past weekend I chose the lesser of all the evils on a menu, so I thought.....and it was not an omelet with regular eggs, it was with only egg whites, and filled with some fancy cheese.

Today I had lunch at a local Restaurant.   I love this restaurant because it has this amazing dip, full of diary. I made the excuse that I brought my own chips and I refused the tortilla, so all should be good....oh yeah did I tell you we asked for a second bowl.  But now...


I made choices, lots of them....I knew that those choices were not the best for me.  Also if you read carefully you will see I made excuses, "the lesser of the evils, it was new and crunched like a pizza so therefore needed the supreme toppings of a pizza, I brought my own chips."


Today if you were any where near me or on the phone you would think this women has bronchitis..... NO in reality this is the consequence I now have to live with for the next week or longer,(should I choose to make even more bad choices).  I feel great, as I don't have any aches or pains, but I now will cough and wheeze for the better of a week as my body gets rid of the impurities I put into it.

But we put impurities in our body everyday. Impurities come through websites, music, people, food, words, and then last but not least we can actually sum it all up to add what I just wrote plus anything else you may think:  our SINFUL desires.

So as you are dealing with the consequences of wrong choices remember that making one right choice then another, then another, will start to get you healthy... And in my case I will stop wheezing and coughing.
Here is a prayer using Galatians 5 as the background:

  Holy Spirit please  guide my life. With You, Holy Spirit in charge I  won’t be doing what my sinful nature craves.  My sinful nature wants me to do evil, which I know  is just the opposite of what You,Holy Spirit wants. And Holy Spirit give me the desires that are the opposite of what my sinful nature desires. Lord I know these two forces are constantly fighting each other, so Holy Spirit I surrender my sinful will  so that  you are free to carry out your good intentions.  

Year in Review with Brothers Pizza

This is extra long but I have posted lately about my Pollyanna Attitude and now that 2013 is over and 2014 is a new year with a new outlook I thought you might want to read the truth about last year and the struggles and triumphs.  I think I have grown more as a leader and as a person in the past 13 months and may God get all the glory becuase without Him, I can truthfully say I would not have been here today to write this blog. 

In November of 2012, I was having lunch with a single mom at Brothers Pizza. While there I was talking with management.  I wanted to talk with them about creating a partnership where we (Against the Grain's 180 Program) could bring in clients to work and train to help them get back into the world of work.  I was quickly met with "that would be a great idea BUT, the Pizza place is for sale".

I called my husband and he called the owner, (Rob used to work there when the economy had started to tank). The meeting was set.  We started to pray and we sat down with our Board of Directors.

Within 2 months Against the Grain was now the proud owners of a Pizza Restaurant.

December 30th we have a staff meeting and explain what will be taking place on January 1st. One teen is playing on his phone all meeting long and is overheard after the meeting stating "does this mean now we have to work"? He no showed, no called all that week, we figured he quit".

January 1st  came and we walked in.  Staff standing everywhere. No one in the restaurant but a full staff, we quickly explain "you have time to lean, you have time to clean".  The store started to take shape after a week of DEEP cleaning. 

One day we walked in unannounced and had a female who was pregnant doing her community service...she was cleaning and items had to be moved.  There was a very able bodied teenager working also, his back was to the restaurant and he was watching TV.  Needless to say, he did not have a job much longer, he did not like the fact that we told him if he was on the clock he would be working NOT watching TV. 

This last year had many more downs than ups.  I was going through the journal I started keeping 9 days into owning the restaurant.

January 9th says: Lord I am starting this in Jan 9 because the waves are getting harder and faster. I am drowning and I need you to hold me please. I feel like I could quit swimming at anytime, give up and just drown.

January 10.... You covered me with angles so that they took the blows and protected me from the rushing waves.  Any surfer would have been ecstatic to ride the waves that have hit me over the past 10 days. But Lord, You are the Great I Am and You came to my rescue when I finally called.

January 11...Lord did the books yesterday and we need a miracle.  This restaurant actually costing lots of money.  We thought it was a self sustaining restaurant.....this first month is killing me so I lay it down at Your feet and ask for You,my Daddy to take care of it please.

January 12.... Lord thank you for showing us a vision of what can happen at the Pizza place.

January 14... Oh Lord....today I am NOT going to look at the waves. I am going to look at the finished project. ...Lord you are greater than the waves.  Thank you Lord for the waves obeying you.

My prayers everyday were of Help... Lord what did I do.... Also my not so favorite saying became "we'll just figure it out". But then along with I'm drowning, the prayers were thank you for another day.  Thank you for this person or that person being able to get a  job.  Thank you for placing this person at our front door they just needed to feel validated today. 

So fast forward to 2014 and my self reflection of my Pollyanna View of life.  I create most of my drama in my life by not clearly thinking things through all the way.  I see in my head how perfect it should be but I don't allow myself to see the what if this happens or what if that happens.

Running a restaurant is a full time job. The thing is that neither Rob nor I even after putting in Thousands and I mean thousands of hours...have never been paid a penny.  Our staff gets paid, we pay our suppliers and the first year we had to repair:  the air conditioning 3x's (the last time was the biggest expense we had to replace major parts) we had to fix our walk-in refrigerator  3x's ( the first was an easy fix, the second was an all day affair with multiple phone calls and trips to get the parts to make it work). The third time one of the parts under warranty was faulty so we just paid for labor but again very costly. Then two of the three refrigeration units we have up front went out.  We pay over $1000 a month for utilities not including rent.

I say this for a couple of reasons:  one we have had many people say things to us in regards to "we'll you sure are making big bucks now", or "I guess you won't have to worry about getting paid".  I wanted to set that straight first of all.  And second of all we are here to help people find dignity in themselves via the 180 Program and work.  Yes some of the people that come through our doors may not have the best education nor up bringing...but if Jesus can die for them then I can help by giving them job skills and self dignity to start the process of re-entering society.  Last year just at the pizzeria we had 35 people go through the program and 34 have jobs and 4 have promotions and keys to stores. 

We have lost customers and we have heard things like "they employ jail birds so we will NEVER eat there again."  This hurts me because without people giving people a second, third or fourth chance.....we will be a sad excuse for a society.  

We started Against the Grain as a call on our lives to help people right here in the US, starting in Middle TN find dignity and find self worth Jesus style. We are Stateside Missionaries and rely on donations to Against the Grain to provide for salaries and the running of programs. 

Thank you to everyone who have and continue to support the work of AtG via the 180 Program, Brothers Pizza or tutoring a child.

If you would like more information about becoming involved at the Restaurant, teaching the 180 Program, becoming an accountability partner or tutoring a child please contact us:  info@atghope.org

Brothers Pizza 615-791-8383

AtG office 615-791-7885

Day 3 Leading God's way

I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail” – Woodrow Wilson.

Failure is falling and never getting back up.

This week has had many downsides to it and it is only Wednesday.  I have wanted to quit.  Say screw you and walk away.  And ultimately I have had to fight the demons in my head that say " you're not good enough".


But every time I say "fine, I'll just quit", I remind myself that as I am leading Gods way Satan will not be happy therefore why would I expect anything more than the week I have had and its only Wednesday

One of my favorite verses is Psalms 37:4. But for today we are going to make a prayer out of vs 3-6

 Lord may I trust in You and only you. Lord may I do the good You have asked of me.
 Lord Your word says that if I do those things then I will live safely in the land and prosper. Lord I want only you to be my delight. Lord as You give me my hearts desires may I be grateful for every opportunity.  Lord I surrender and commit everything I do to You Lord. Thank you Lord for the next promise as I TRUST You....Your word says you will help me.

Leading God's way....day 1

Your Character is who you are inside.  So if you are a follower of Jesus what should your character be?

I noticed recently that people talk a great talk to get you to believe a certain way or to follow a certain path...but then you find out that in secret that their character is NOT that at all, actually everything they are telling you, you should not do....they are doing themselves.

So being a leader....we are all leaders.  We may be a leader of a company, small or large.  You may be a leader of a family.  You may be a leader at work (whether you have the title or not). You may be a leader because you have younger brothers or sisters or cousins.  You may be a leader at school.

So what kind of leader do you want to be? If you wish to lead as Jesus did then meditate on this from Matthew.

Lord may I not be the leader that rules in this world by lording it over the people I lead.  Lord may I  not be a leader that  flaunts  my  authority over those under me. But Lord may I lead differently by being your follower first. Lord may I take these words and become this leader: May I lead by becoming a servant. Lord may I remember that even You came not to be served but to serve others and to give Your life as a ransom for many. Thank you Lord for your example.


“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden.

Day 5

Jonah 2 (re-written for you to use as a prayer tonight)

“In my distress I called to You Lord,and You  answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and You listened to my cry. But yet, because of my disobedience,You still hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again" toward your holy temple.’ The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God brought my life up from the pit.


As you are praying for what it is you are supposed to do for God; don't let shame or guilt of your past or wrong doings keep you from thinking that God could never use you.  That is the work of Satan if you allow that way of thinking keep you from doing what God has planned for your life.

Day 4

 Day 4
So has God spoken to you?

Here is a prayer from James 1 that I wrote...

Oh Lord I need your wisdom,and you say I can ask You for it. Your word says You will give it  generously to all without finding fault.  Lord, You do say though that when I ask   I must believe and not doubt.  Lord you say the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, Lord I do not want to be that person.  Lord I am expectantly wanting to receive from You my marching orders as to what You want me to do.  Lord I do not want to be a person that  is double-minded and unstable in all I  do. Lord, may I get still before you and listen. Amen

As God is speaking make sure you are listening and obeying....or you might just find out you are more of a double -minded person than you thought. 

Day 3... May I Walk

Day 3

This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the Lord, because he had already told them so.) Jonah 1


When we are praying for God to use us and we run the other way because we don't want to do what He has asked or we think it will "cost" us....

Don't forget all the other people that might get caught up in your aftermath of disobedience.

Day 2...May I Walk

Day 2

Part of this journey will be to pick a day to fast.  Fasting is a time to give up something (food, tv, technology)... No one needs to know what you are doing.... But it is a time that you give up to spend time in specific prayer...getting before your Creator and asking Him to show you what it is that He would have for you to see.  This is also a time to be quiet...ask The Lord to show you and then just listen.

  “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,  so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  Matthew 6


But again you need to be willing to follow through.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up James 4

I Wanna Do It

"I wanna do it".

"I do it all by myself"

These are statements made by 2,3 and 4 year old as they get older and want to attempt simple acts like getting dressed or even feeding themselves.

When dealing with a group of people that my husband in his seminars* calls the "don'ts", we treat them as the "cant's" (another phrase my husband uses in his seminars).

Let me explain.

As your child grows up, you go from dressing them (because they CAN'T), to teaching them to dress themselves. "Left arm, right arm, left foot, right foot." Slowly you raise your child to become a  productive member of society.

Sometimes as parents we think its faster and easier just to do it for ourselves instead of allowing a child to finish a task we asked them to do, (this creates the group called WONT'S).

The challenge comes when we take this mentality into working with the population group called "DONT'S.

 "Relationship building" takes time, instead we just "DO".  We then make people, who really want to be taught, feel like charity cases, so therefore they become a "won't", because we do a good job at just giving instead of investing.

So next time you want want to give money or gifts....ask yourself... "What if I invested in this person through a relationship, would they be able to help themselves?"  If the answer is yes....then ask God what would he rather you do....walk with this person, or continue to throw money at the person?  Because your answer if you are a Christian comes with answering what would Jesus do?

Consider joining us this Saturday to become an accountability partner for a man, woman, or teen.... Who wants a relationship that is healthy to walk with them as they break free from destructive life cycles.

***for more information about the seminar called "Breaking the Broken" please contact Rob@atghope.org****