Sex for a roof over your head?

She called and said "yes, I am still coming". Waiting patiently I prayed she would come. I really want her to get some new friends. She was late but she came. 

We asked her if she was hungry.  Her response was she really hadn't eaten in a few days, because her stomach was not setting just right.  By the way that is code word for "I need to keep what little money I have for gas in my car, not food in my stomach". 

We took her to lunch our treat. The conversation was light and superficial. It covered topics about how's the new job? How many hours are you getting? 

After dinner was done, she gave me a big hug and said "thank you". 

We all ran for our vehicles as the weather was changing. Settling into ours, my husband said "where is she living"?

With a friend I answered.  He knew by my tone there was more to it than that. "What kind of friend?  And what kind of arrangement?"

I tried to avoid the question because I knew he was not going to like the answer. "She told me the other day that it's an old friend, and she had no where to turn.  He is letting her stay with him, but it's not a good situation and she needs to get out."

"What do you mean it's not a good situation? Does he expect payment?" 

I guess the look on my face told my husband the payment was not of a monetary kind. 

Why do I tell you this story? This happens more than we want to admit. Women get between a rock and a hard place and they finally want to get off the roller coaster....the challenge comes when they try. 

People fail people.  When "Christians" say they want to help...they expect all the behaviors of the past in these women to go away immediately. Reality is, you cannot rid yourself of years of baggage, low self-esteem, low self-confidence,abuse or addictions in a matter of minutes because you have changed the environment. 

Changing the environment is a start, but showing unconditional love through real authentic relationships is long lasting and the hardest to do. 

Most of the women we work with will hurt you, it is a coping mechanism. They will hurt you before you hurt them.  They are used to disappointment and hurt as part of their normal life. 

Also when "Christians" want to help, it's usually on the "Christians" terms.  They don't say it but through actions they are telling the women: "I'm not the one who got myself into this mess, so if you will just do what I say your life will be better." You are correct "Christian" you may not be as bad off:  having to have sex just to pay a bill so your children have food on the table, electricity or a roof over their head... but you have junk in your life just like they do.

It is now February and Christmas is long gone.  This is what trash cans looked like after the "Christians" came to the "rescue" so the child had a very "materialistic" Christmas 

 Where are you today? Do you know where the mom and kids are today that you bestowed all these gifts upon not even 60 days ago? 

I know it's not Christmas and most people have gotten caught back up into the routine of their own life but what about the families you bought gifts for less than 60 days ago? 

What these families need most are "relationships".  Not relationships that bail them out, but relationships that empower them to DESIRE to change so they can one day be a giver not a receiver. 

Let us know if you want to be a change maker? 

Self-medicating

This week I have watched families disintegrate due to: infidelity, drugs, alcohol, pornography and much more.

I have taught this week in places where those sitting in front of me have become the expectation of those speaking into their lives.

Then to top the week off I got a not one but two messages that just sent me over the edge.

As we drove home we contemplated going out for a drink and dinner or just going home.  We chose going home.

So oatmeal and a cup of coffee it was. We plopped down on the couch just shaking our heads in disbelief of the week that had just ended.

"Let's just watch a movie", I said.

"Ok".

So I went over to our movie selection and started silently reading the movie titles.  I chose one and put it in the DVD player.

For the next 90 minutes I was lost in a town called "Grady, South Carolina". It's a very small town of about 1 square mile.  As one of the characters says " you can't poop in this town without everyone knowing what color it is".

For 90 minutes I also did not have a care in the world. I was engrossed in someone else's make believe world of Hollywood.

As the movie ended my pain came back.  The remembering of all the things that had happened this past 5 hours let alone all week. But as I googled Grady South Carolina, I found out the town never existed.  It actually was another town in another state, re-named to make a movie. There was no hope of ever finding this town to have this blissful feeling in real life.

Then it hit me as I longed to go back into that movie and get lost again.....how easy it is to "self-medicate".

People get caught up in this cycle called life's pain, bumps and bruises.  And depending on those around them could very well start their self- medicating that will end with an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  If they are a recluse or feel they can not share, then their addiction could become cutting, pornography or even food.

Last night I really felt that God gave me a glimpse into self-medicating for a couple of reasons.
1) To better understand those we work with
2) To understand how easy it is

The challenge becomes for those who see their only hope is in self-medication to make the pain go away, because that's what the world sells:  hope in sex, hope in attention, hope in drugs/alcohol, hope in money, hope in a different destination.

I wanted the pain of this week to go away so bad that I wanted to lose myself.  Lucky for me my hope is not in my week but a God who allows weeks like this so that I become more and more dependent upon Him and not myself.

My hope is in the One who made this awesome sunset...

My Heart Breaks For You

My heart breaks as I read statuses, as I look at photos, and read replies.

"Oh, how dare they, they can't do that."

"Oh, don't the both of you look cute".

"Oh what a beautiful child, I am so proud and happy for you".

"Don't they know how much I need a job".

"She'll get hers, I can promise you that".

Following what you want in life is called following the desires of our sinful nature.

Some of the things we do when we are following the world, friends, the crowds, latest fads or trends or when our go to behavior only has our personal satisfaction as its best interest, these following examples can be the result:

sexual immorality: immoral is defined as deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong. So put the word sexual in front of that then you have:  deliberately violating sexually accepted principles of right and wrong.

impurity: the quality of being corrupt, no longer being pure

lustful pleasures: lustful is defined as having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire.     Pleasure is defined as a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. So lustful pleasures is defined as: having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire and getting satisfaction and enjoyment from it.

idolatry: the act of showing respect and love for something and placing it into a higher place even over yourself.

sorcery:  exercising  supernatural powers through the aid of evil spirits; black magic; witchery.

hostility: an unfriendly attitude or action

quarreling: to have an angry argument or disagreement

jealousy: resentment against a rival, or against a person enjoying success.

outbursts of anger: a sudden release of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

selfish ambition: to only look out and think about oneself.

dissension: strong disagreement

division: the act of separating into parts

envy: a feeling of discontented because you want someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

drunkenness: the state of being intoxicated

wild parties: out of control, amazingly out of this world get together's

When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear:

1. Figuring out how to get out of jail
2. Figuring out if the person/people that were with you are even still alive
3. Trying to remember who you were with and what you did
4. 6 weeks later either making the call or being on the receiving end of the call:  "I'm having a baby" or "you're going to be a father".
5. Living up to what you did last weekend
6. 9 months later realizing you are now responsible for this little person for the next 18 years
7. Being controlled by demons and evil spirits
8. Feeling unworthy
9. Feeling dirty
10. Doing illegal activity so you can have what you can't afford because you want what other people have
11. Doing illegal activity just because you aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make money, save money and provide for yourself and your family

To change, to quit making excuses takes a NEW BEHAVIOR and a NEW DESIRE.

It can be done, but it takes a will power to want to change.

Step 1:You have to first and foremost know who YOU are, and what YOU really want to be.
Step 2: Then you have to surround yourself with people that are like what you want to become.
Step 3: Then you have to repeat step one and two over and over again.

So why does my heart breaks?

 Because I know that the people writing these statuses have more to offer this world.

I don't care just love me

There was something about her that made me gravitate towards her.  Maybe it was the way she walked into the room: earbuds in trying not to care that she was different on the inside, or so she thought.

She had been thrown our like the trash by her mom and a return to sender label stuck to her forehead.

No one loves me- no one cares about me. I can't wait til I'm 18 and I can do what I want.

As the class bell rang; introductions were made, I started to speak.  For the next 45 minutes I spoke of my childhood, my low self- esteem, the meeting of my husband and how he became the person in my life that showed me how to make life happen instead of letting life happen.

The bell rang and the class got up to leave except for one.

The tears that were brimming threatening to break down the Dam, had now been open by the Army Corp of Engineers and the tears were flowing freely.

The low self-esteem with the need to be loved was a recipe for disaster. As she spoke, I realized the earbuds and "I am tough, don't care" attitude she came in with was just a wall of protection to get through the day. 

The bad part for me: I can only show her Gods kindness, love through actions.

I can't tell her that that emptiness, that void can only be filled by God.

We all want to be loved, needed, respected, fulfilled.

The problem is if our self- esteem and or self- confidence are low we will take whatever comes our way.

It's the old parenting adage, even negative attention is better than no attention at all.

God reminded me of this today:  if you are a believer in Christ....show love, you don't always have to have a scripture to back it up.

Preach the Gospel at all times, use words if necessary.

  --  Saint Francis of Assisi 

Y.O.U.

God made you and made me. He made us with unique qualities.  Yesterday I wrote about labels and if you have read all 12 of these blogs this year you will have also seen, I was trying to fit into a "mold"; a label, a way of living.  I wanted to be prim and proper because I thought that was what it meant to be a Christian. Then I thought I needed to be quiet and submissive because the Bible said in

Ephesians 5:22-24 and this was the only part that was being preached:

 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Not only was it the only  part of the verse that was being preached, but it was being  proclaimed loudly from the pulpit.  Being a new Christian at the time I thought " ok, well he's the preacher and he knows what God is saying so I guess I had better obey".  And this preacher was preaching that submit meant "women, be quiet, do what your husband says even if it means losing yourself". Well this is a recipe for disaster and in some homes, especially if the man of the house is abusive, controlling and not reading the rest of the verse,this can end up with awful consequences.  Now for the rest of the verse which says....

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything

So first things first Christ and His ways are to be followed.  And I am going to tell you that men are the head of the house but in our house for smaller issues and things, my husband knew I was better suited to do certain things, but when big decisions were to be made my husband was and is the final authority.  Why do I not have a problem with being submissive today?  Because we are walking the whole verse as husband and wife. The rest of the verses go on to say:

Ephesians 5:25-33

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

  

Now back to your uniqueness.  God made YOU...Your Own Uniqueness.  So don't try to fit into a mold, don't try to be someone else, Be Yourself.  And remember that God makes NO JUNK; my paraphrase to Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do

Before we end I want you to also embrace where God has you in your local church serving.

1 Corinthians 12:15-20

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body

And if you aren't serving in your local body of believers  then ask God what He has for you and what you are supposed to be doing. 

Labels

Labels?
This has been a constant theme running through my head since before the New Year.

Starting a New Year with resolutions it's easy to start the mental process of Who am I?

So I started a list of my labels that I wear now, and very quickly I came up with over 20.   Reading over my list I realized that I let some of the negative ones define me more than the good. I also realized that some of these labels have been put on me by others.

But I also realize that I let people put labels on me especially negative ones if my self- esteem is not where it needed to be.

So very quickly make a list of labels that you carry around. The labels that you are carrying around are they good, bad, depends on the minute?

But I need you to hear me...there is only ONE label...read that again...there is only ONE label that matters.
The rest of the labels need to be filtered through this label...

That label is "Child of God" or some may have written "son/daughter of the King".  

1 John 3:1-3 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

So your job this week is to rid yourself of allowing the labels you have allowed or even placed on yourself, and work on allowing the label "child of God" define who you are and what you are about.