Do I really want to be a Paul?

Today it hit me,(after my banter back and forth with God, see Facebook status),what would it had been like if Paul had put his heels in the sand after the first beating and imprisonment?

Saul was headed to Damascus with letters from the high priests addressed to the synagogues asking for their cooperation in the arrest  of any followers of the Way he found there. Prior to that it says "Saul was uttering threats with every breath and was eager to kill the Lords followers". 

We know the story that Jesus stopped him on that road, made him blind and told him to go to into the city and that he would be told what to do.

Now enters Ananias, a believer. The Lord speaks to Ananias and tells him exactly what to do. 

But Lord....do you not know who that is?..., Ananias's response is a story for another day...because I think we do this a lot too.  

The Lord says:" go for Saul he is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles, and to the kings, as well as to the people of Israel.

Now here is a part of the verse I never remember reading..... " and I will show him how much he must suffer for my names sake".

Now through out Acts we see: Jews tried to murder him. He was put in prison after being stripped and severely beaten. 

But as I skimmed through Acts I found the 20th chapter: " I don't know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city jail and suffering lie ahead. But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by The Lord Jesus ~the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. 

I so relate to this: but my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned to me by The Lord Jesus.....the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. 

Do I want to be beaten again? Of course not....but I am not going to live in fear that he could show up in a class at any given time.  I will complete the course set for me long ago.  Ephesians 2:10  

They aren't JUST Words....

This week my husband called me out on something and when he did I was not too happy.  But the more God has had me marinating on it.....I realize it is actually very important. Funny how God does that. 

Then I was in the College Sunday School class and that was when I knew I needed to be obedient and write about it. 

Today the first verse we read in class was: 

             Proverbs 12:1 To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

Then as we opened the book and Luke 16:10 was written:

      If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest   in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. 

When we started this ministry and I had to write my first report for the judge, I was given this advice "only the facts and no personal inflection". 

The other day Rob called me out on a text.  He said "that's not how it read".  He was correct, I put my own inflection in it because I was already upset about something else  and the text just set me off.  

So instead of just stating the facts, I added inflection.  Then Rob said "words mean things". I will paraphrase the rest of the conversation as I now see it today: by adding inflection when telling someone what someone else said or even wrote, adds a lack of trust that you are telling the truth in other situations. 

I was upset when he was telling me this and then he brought up the verse Luke 16:10, and he paraphrased it " if you can't be trusted with the little, how can you be trusted with the bigger things?"  

I have heard this verse for many years and always thought it meant: money due to the next verse in Luke.  Luke 16:11, states    

And if you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven? 

But the more God convicted me of trust and words; the more I started praying for my own sin.

So something that was not meant for harm, the inflection I put into the text made it sound like the person was being vindictive. So if this had gone unchecked, think about the consequences that could have happened.  Consequences could be as simple as a cold shoulder towards this person by my husband, to calling this person out.  Which brings me to the next verse 

Luke 16:12 

And if you are not faithful with other people’s things, why should you be trusted with things of your own?

What things?  Words, character, integrity just to name a few. 

So why make this public? Because sin is sin and breaks your relationship with others but more importantly God. 

And I want to be transparent that even socially acceptable sins, are sins and breaks God's heart. And as I want to live a transformed life I want to be obedient to Gods leading and nudging. 

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week if you watch my news feed you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer,

and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to "fix it" yourself....

Yep I am there.

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.  

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?

How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all! 

But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.

Be strong, all you people still left in the land.

And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 

My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today? 

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed. 

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!

Self-medicating

This week I have watched families disintegrate due to: infidelity, drugs, alcohol, pornography and much more.

I have taught this week in places where those sitting in front of me have become the expectation of those speaking into their lives.

Then to top the week off I got a not one but two messages that just sent me over the edge.

As we drove home we contemplated going out for a drink and dinner or just going home.  We chose going home.

So oatmeal and a cup of coffee it was. We plopped down on the couch just shaking our heads in disbelief of the week that had just ended.

"Let's just watch a movie", I said.

"Ok".

So I went over to our movie selection and started silently reading the movie titles.  I chose one and put it in the DVD player.

For the next 90 minutes I was lost in a town called "Grady, South Carolina". It's a very small town of about 1 square mile.  As one of the characters says " you can't poop in this town without everyone knowing what color it is".

For 90 minutes I also did not have a care in the world. I was engrossed in someone else's make believe world of Hollywood.

As the movie ended my pain came back.  The remembering of all the things that had happened this past 5 hours let alone all week. But as I googled Grady South Carolina, I found out the town never existed.  It actually was another town in another state, re-named to make a movie. There was no hope of ever finding this town to have this blissful feeling in real life.

Then it hit me as I longed to go back into that movie and get lost again.....how easy it is to "self-medicate".

People get caught up in this cycle called life's pain, bumps and bruises.  And depending on those around them could very well start their self- medicating that will end with an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  If they are a recluse or feel they can not share, then their addiction could become cutting, pornography or even food.

Last night I really felt that God gave me a glimpse into self-medicating for a couple of reasons.
1) To better understand those we work with
2) To understand how easy it is

The challenge becomes for those who see their only hope is in self-medication to make the pain go away, because that's what the world sells:  hope in sex, hope in attention, hope in drugs/alcohol, hope in money, hope in a different destination.

I wanted the pain of this week to go away so bad that I wanted to lose myself.  Lucky for me my hope is not in my week but a God who allows weeks like this so that I become more and more dependent upon Him and not myself.

My hope is in the One who made this awesome sunset...

No Shower will ever be enough

So why are you here?

Why did you not go to the church?

Her answer: the church doors were locked and I did not know how to get in.  I could see people walking around, but no one heard my silent cries for help.

Why did you not knock harder?

Her answer: I didn't want to be rejected.  I've been rejected for so long by people, that I was afraid to be rejected by God.

Church wake up..these buildings are to be a safe place, a place of refuge 7 days a week.

We are  group of hurting people fear of rejection.  Church please don't reject us also.  Open your doors.  Open your doors and walk with us.  Don't condemn us, we can do that on our own.  Don't look at us with those eyes; you know those eyes that tell us we don't fit in.  We know we don't, you don't have to judge us too, we already feel dirty enough. No shower will ever be enough.  The stank, we have created by our choices, you remind us that it will always be there by the way you walk to the other side of the hallway or sidewalk.

We just need someone to hold us and tell us they love us without expecting anything in return.

We need someone to walk with us in relationship that isn't afraid to get our stink on them.  That stench we smell, that permeates our skin because we've  worn it for so long.....

***If you are this person in this story, please know that Jesus, has not and will not reject you. If you are afraid of being rejected but need someone to talk to please reach out.***

Are you a crown or a cancer?

Today's blog is just for women: 

In Proverbs 12 it says: 
A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones

Worthy, worthy of what? What is the definition of worthy? Honorable, valuable.

I think one of the challenges today is that "things", are so attainable and easily thrown away that relationships start to become "things" also.

We also start looking for our self worth in things and what we have to offer.

There use to be a simpler time when women were admired for their inner beauty not their outer beauty.  There was a time when wearing clothes that covered our bodies and not being out on the streets looking for love was admirable. There was a time when you waited for the guy to come around, and you did not throw yourself at them EVER.  You didn't go looking for it.  There was a time, actually, when courting, was the norm. There was a time when being a virgin on your wedding night was the norm not the exception.

Why do we think today, that we can't be like a woman of yesteryear?  Why do we think that by walking the streets, searching the Internet,going to the clubs, posting pictures on websites in clothing that should have been outlawed, that we will get men worthy of us being a "crown"....  Instead of being a crown you will be a jewel he will add to his already filled crown of other women that meant nothing.

Why do we not see ourselves worthy to be a crown?  Why have we let the world of advertising tell us that "unless you are this size" or "doing this in the world", you are less than?  Why do we think that as soon as the guy says hello we need to jump in bed with them?  Why do we not see ourselves worthy of being that crown to our husband, key word husband....why do we worry that we will miss something if we settle down and start a life with just one man?  Why do we think that our lives will be empty if we become a woman of a time gone by?

What would our relationships look like, what would our children learn if we became the women of yesteryear?

So my question is; are you a crown or a cancer?

And if you are not married, what are your actions teaching your children? And with your actions, are you going to catch the attention of a righteous, God-fearing, man?

Complacency and Marriage; A Deadly Combination

This last week our Pastor taught on the creating of Eve for Adam.  The joke was that God was a good God because he brought Adam a naked wife.   He also stated some more serious statements like Eve was made out of Adams RIB not his foot bone to be less than and not from the head to be grater than....

But the RIB to fit into.  We are a helper, helpmate or are we?

Many times I think we get into marriage thinking we are in love but in reality it's an infatuation.  The word love gets used too frequently these days by young teens and young adults.  In my opinion the word LOVE has become diluted to mean:  today, I will do what you ask and be with you  but when something better comes along, I'll see ya later.  When that "better" comes along; then all the faults that were there to begin with that you accepted, now become reasons you can't "love" them anymore.

This last week I watched a movie by Tyler Perry called "Temptation".  I won't tell you the whole story line but the main part I want to point out is how we get complacent in our (in this case) marriage, and we take each other for granted. We forget what each others love languages are, we forget what makes them laugh, we forget what makes them happy, we forget what makes them ALIVE.   And we forget who we are, then one day someone or something gets introduced into our lives and we realize how unhappy we are.

There are a few reasons for complacency:

• We grew up together and it becomes just a part of our daily routine
• We get into a routine and just think the other person will always be there
• The other person will take my crap because he/she married me

And the list could go on and on....but the truth is complacency and taking your marriage and your husband/ wife as an individual  for granted is just what Satan wants.

So here are a few practical ways to get out of the "routine" of marriage

• Be spontaneous, now this will be hard if you have a Type A, Choleric, super first, or first born personality....and spouse if are married to that type of personality then you may have to modify your spontaneity.
• Be intentional
• Make sure your spouse feels appreciated
• Don't talk to everyone about your spouse and their shortcoming
• If you don't know what your and your spouses love language is find out:      http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/                       
• Now that you know both know, do them....watch out though your natural action will be to do the love language that you are
• Talk, uninterrupted talk....put away the electronics, shut the TV off and talk.
• Go for a walk
• If you can afford it, get away to a place where there is no TV, Internet, or cell service.
•  What did you used to do when you first met and had no money but at the end of the evening you were full because you truly cared for the person you had just spent the past hours with
•  Add your own: