May they stay alive long enough

In the past 24 hours, I have heard these words not once but twice "may they stay alive long enough...."

Living in denial that an addiction is not serious goes like this....

"I can stop ________when I want and it only affects me".

When you believe this then you find out real fast that, that is a lie that Satan uses to keep you in your state of being addicted. Let me show you.

When you say I can stop ____________whenever I want: you keep doing whatever it is you are doing.

Your belief becomes that you are in control so therefore you don't need help.

You end up going through your day and week and longer, just trying to get through until.....

Your actions then become ___________________. You quit going to work, you lose your friends, you ________.

Then your life starts to fall apart because you.....end up in jail, become homeless, and worse case....you end up 6 feet under.

Now some may say being 6 feet under would be the best case, then I don't have to deal with life (code word for consequences).  I want you to hear me when I say....dealing with your consequences will be a piece of cake when you get to the other side of your living in denial and start taking the needed steps to get healthy and becoming responsible.  Why do I say that?   Because  YOU are worth living a life worthy of what God wants you to be. You may not be able to see it right now, but I know the God I serve.  He is a loving and caring God but  I also know He is a jealous God, who wants all100% all 100% of the time.

My favorite quote is "God makes NO junk".

So call me if you are ready to deal with life.

Catch 22

The truth is......

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way...

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram "debilitating mentalities".  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don't want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe ( usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities.... She is hearing....

"You did something to deserve this"

"No one will believe you because you're just a prostitute".

"You call the police, they won't believe you, look at your rap sheet".

So the truth is..... Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of "healthy people", walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when "their excuses" are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they "slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors"... To not judge so harshly that you say "screw this, you're not worth my time", and walk away.  Your relationship may change, but we don't add to the shame by saying "I new you'd mess up.  I knew you couldn't do it".  That does not help anyone get healthy.

My Heart Breaks For You

My heart breaks as I read statuses, as I look at photos, and read replies.

"Oh, how dare they, they can't do that."

"Oh, don't the both of you look cute".

"Oh what a beautiful child, I am so proud and happy for you".

"Don't they know how much I need a job".

"She'll get hers, I can promise you that".

Following what you want in life is called following the desires of our sinful nature.

Some of the things we do when we are following the world, friends, the crowds, latest fads or trends or when our go to behavior only has our personal satisfaction as its best interest, these following examples can be the result:

sexual immorality: immoral is defined as deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong. So put the word sexual in front of that then you have:  deliberately violating sexually accepted principles of right and wrong.

impurity: the quality of being corrupt, no longer being pure

lustful pleasures: lustful is defined as having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire.     Pleasure is defined as a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. So lustful pleasures is defined as: having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire and getting satisfaction and enjoyment from it.

idolatry: the act of showing respect and love for something and placing it into a higher place even over yourself.

sorcery:  exercising  supernatural powers through the aid of evil spirits; black magic; witchery.

hostility: an unfriendly attitude or action

quarreling: to have an angry argument or disagreement

jealousy: resentment against a rival, or against a person enjoying success.

outbursts of anger: a sudden release of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

selfish ambition: to only look out and think about oneself.

dissension: strong disagreement

division: the act of separating into parts

envy: a feeling of discontented because you want someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

drunkenness: the state of being intoxicated

wild parties: out of control, amazingly out of this world get together's

When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear:

1. Figuring out how to get out of jail
2. Figuring out if the person/people that were with you are even still alive
3. Trying to remember who you were with and what you did
4. 6 weeks later either making the call or being on the receiving end of the call:  "I'm having a baby" or "you're going to be a father".
5. Living up to what you did last weekend
6. 9 months later realizing you are now responsible for this little person for the next 18 years
7. Being controlled by demons and evil spirits
8. Feeling unworthy
9. Feeling dirty
10. Doing illegal activity so you can have what you can't afford because you want what other people have
11. Doing illegal activity just because you aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make money, save money and provide for yourself and your family

To change, to quit making excuses takes a NEW BEHAVIOR and a NEW DESIRE.

It can be done, but it takes a will power to want to change.

Step 1:You have to first and foremost know who YOU are, and what YOU really want to be.
Step 2: Then you have to surround yourself with people that are like what you want to become.
Step 3: Then you have to repeat step one and two over and over again.

So why does my heart breaks?

 Because I know that the people writing these statuses have more to offer this world.

Anger....don't let it control you.

Don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives the devil a foothold.

In today's world we let things get to us and we hold it in.  Those feelings then can turn into anger. Without addressing the actual annoyance, then we allow it to turn into full blown anger.

As we allow our anger to control us we do stupid things.
Maybe it will be as simple as using language not becoming or slamming of doors or throwing of objects.
More serious would be having our hands actually touch another person, an animal or even getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while the anger is in control of us.

As we allow the anger to control our actions and REACTIONS.... We know the outcome will not be good.

Simply you may have to apologize to someone for the language or the slamming of an object, or maybe you will have to fix a door or patch the wall.

But is it really a simple fix?

No, anger does a lot of damage behind the scenes as well, even what I call simple anger.

You will always be wondering; what's going to set that person off today?  And if you are a person who wants revenge and you know the other person is controlled by anger you may intentionally do things to get a rise out of them so that they will go out of control.

Anger is a huge issue as the stress of life gets to us.  You may think you don't have an anger problem....well think about it this way.

If your child interrupts you while you are concentrating on getting an email out or trying to get everyone out the door to a church function.....how do you parent in the moment?

We learn by watching....Monkey see, Monkey do.....

So if you don't like how those around you are acting...maybe it's time to look in the mirror.

We always want the quick fix and the pat answer its not my fault, I would never act like that nor do that.....you are correct you may not have done what they are doing, but it still has the root issue.....ANGER is controlling them instead of US controlling our anger.

Where do I fit in?

You used to think I was cute.  You used to come see me when I was younger.  But now.... 

Where do I fit in? 

You come into my neighborhood to play with the little kids and hold the babies... but what about me?  

I am your age.  I may not have the luxuries that you have nor may I get to leave this neighborhood anytime soon, but what about me?

Do you see me looking out the window?  

I walk out of my house hoping to get invited to play ball or at least asked to join the conversation that's going on, on the sidewalk, but I guess I am invisible, becuase you don't even say "hi". 

Do you even want to get to know me?  

I know who you are, I see you in the hallway at school, but do you see me?

I pass by you and I hear you talking to your friends about the "project" you were involved with over the weekend...do you even see me?

I just want to be your friend, do you want to be mine or will I only and always be a "project"? 

This is not just a problem with teens its also an issue with adults.  My advice is to make sure that when you are reaching out and doing local missions; that a "project" is not your intention but relationship building is your ultimate goal with all ages NOT just the babies and kids. 

How do you expect to stay clean if you keep playing in the mud?

I was sent a video this morning and he made a statement " you'll never get clean by walking through mud" my re-write is:  " how do you expect to stay clean if you keep playing in the mud".

It went right along with some marinating thoughts I have been having this past couple of weeks.

As I  have been on Facebook, posts from women and young girls have been catching my attention as I have been asking God to show me what it is that breaks His heart.  These girls seem to think vulgar language, having sex with this guy or that guy, going to this party or that party is what life is all about.  Then they show off pictures of their new outfits, that look like they were actually bought for their child. They go on to say how awesome last night was... then 2 days later "how dare they? Oh No they didn't! Just wait til.....

My question is when will they be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  When will they want a life that has meaning not just in the moment but next year or the year after that or heck... 50 years from now?

What will it be that shows them that there is more to life than just the next night of sex or getting drunk?

When will they stop to look long enough in the mirror and ask: What legacy am I leaving for my children?

When will they stop long enough to say "I am worth more than a night of whatever passion, with whoever just to fulfill that empty feeling".

That empty feeling that will then be fulfilled for 9 months while they are carrying the child to term.  But with no regard to the life that will be relying on you for the next 18 years, they still continue in their lifestyle and they'll worry about it when the time comes. And for some the time has come and they still don't seem care.  They are still trying to figure out how to find love.

And the life they brought into this world unfortunately will not be seen as a burden.

That life will not bring you the happiness you are looking for, nor will the guy who helped create it. If you are lucky he will pay child support, but he didn't stay around for the other children he has running around why will he stay for you?  What makes you any different?  You gave him what he wanted now you get to live with.... well if you are lucky all you get out of the deal is a child.

When will enough be enough.  Why do you think a weekend fling will be the difference this time for you to find love and fulfillment?

If you want someone to truly respect and love you....then you first need to love and respect yourself.  

Impurities, they do the body good....RIGHT?

 2 years ago I was told that if I wanted to continue to walk that I needed to start watching my diet.  It was found out that my body decided it didn't like gluten, corn,dairy,egg whites, peanuts and all by products, oh yeah and it doesn't like the metal Gold.

When I told my husband I could not wear my wedding rings anymore it actually went like this: " hey honey, my body is now allergic to my wedding rings". That went over like a lead balloon. But Thanksgiving came, and I knew of a place that had real looking costume jewelry, so thank you to everyone who comments on my ring....it was $21 in Gatlinburg.

No back to the real reason  for today's blog...

This past couple of weeks we got a new gluten free pizza crust in that actually crunches when you eat it and  it tastes....phenomenal. Well I was craving a real pizza so I made not one real pizza, but over the past few weeks I made.....well lets say I lost count. Then I had a few dinners and brunches to attend to and tried to eat what I could... But again no self-control and I ate more dairy.  

This past weekend I chose the lesser of all the evils on a menu, so I thought.....and it was not an omelet with regular eggs, it was with only egg whites, and filled with some fancy cheese.

Today I had lunch at a local Restaurant.   I love this restaurant because it has this amazing dip, full of diary. I made the excuse that I brought my own chips and I refused the tortilla, so all should be good....oh yeah did I tell you we asked for a second bowl.  But now...


I made choices, lots of them....I knew that those choices were not the best for me.  Also if you read carefully you will see I made excuses, "the lesser of the evils, it was new and crunched like a pizza so therefore needed the supreme toppings of a pizza, I brought my own chips."


Today if you were any where near me or on the phone you would think this women has bronchitis..... NO in reality this is the consequence I now have to live with for the next week or longer,(should I choose to make even more bad choices).  I feel great, as I don't have any aches or pains, but I now will cough and wheeze for the better of a week as my body gets rid of the impurities I put into it.

But we put impurities in our body everyday. Impurities come through websites, music, people, food, words, and then last but not least we can actually sum it all up to add what I just wrote plus anything else you may think:  our SINFUL desires.

So as you are dealing with the consequences of wrong choices remember that making one right choice then another, then another, will start to get you healthy... And in my case I will stop wheezing and coughing.
Here is a prayer using Galatians 5 as the background:

  Holy Spirit please  guide my life. With You, Holy Spirit in charge I  won’t be doing what my sinful nature craves.  My sinful nature wants me to do evil, which I know  is just the opposite of what You,Holy Spirit wants. And Holy Spirit give me the desires that are the opposite of what my sinful nature desires. Lord I know these two forces are constantly fighting each other, so Holy Spirit I surrender my sinful will  so that  you are free to carry out your good intentions.  

Year in Review with Brothers Pizza

This is extra long but I have posted lately about my Pollyanna Attitude and now that 2013 is over and 2014 is a new year with a new outlook I thought you might want to read the truth about last year and the struggles and triumphs.  I think I have grown more as a leader and as a person in the past 13 months and may God get all the glory becuase without Him, I can truthfully say I would not have been here today to write this blog. 

In November of 2012, I was having lunch with a single mom at Brothers Pizza. While there I was talking with management.  I wanted to talk with them about creating a partnership where we (Against the Grain's 180 Program) could bring in clients to work and train to help them get back into the world of work.  I was quickly met with "that would be a great idea BUT, the Pizza place is for sale".

I called my husband and he called the owner, (Rob used to work there when the economy had started to tank). The meeting was set.  We started to pray and we sat down with our Board of Directors.

Within 2 months Against the Grain was now the proud owners of a Pizza Restaurant.

December 30th we have a staff meeting and explain what will be taking place on January 1st. One teen is playing on his phone all meeting long and is overheard after the meeting stating "does this mean now we have to work"? He no showed, no called all that week, we figured he quit".

January 1st  came and we walked in.  Staff standing everywhere. No one in the restaurant but a full staff, we quickly explain "you have time to lean, you have time to clean".  The store started to take shape after a week of DEEP cleaning. 

One day we walked in unannounced and had a female who was pregnant doing her community service...she was cleaning and items had to be moved.  There was a very able bodied teenager working also, his back was to the restaurant and he was watching TV.  Needless to say, he did not have a job much longer, he did not like the fact that we told him if he was on the clock he would be working NOT watching TV. 

This last year had many more downs than ups.  I was going through the journal I started keeping 9 days into owning the restaurant.

January 9th says: Lord I am starting this in Jan 9 because the waves are getting harder and faster. I am drowning and I need you to hold me please. I feel like I could quit swimming at anytime, give up and just drown.

January 10.... You covered me with angles so that they took the blows and protected me from the rushing waves.  Any surfer would have been ecstatic to ride the waves that have hit me over the past 10 days. But Lord, You are the Great I Am and You came to my rescue when I finally called.

January 11...Lord did the books yesterday and we need a miracle.  This restaurant actually costing lots of money.  We thought it was a self sustaining restaurant.....this first month is killing me so I lay it down at Your feet and ask for You,my Daddy to take care of it please.

January 12.... Lord thank you for showing us a vision of what can happen at the Pizza place.

January 14... Oh Lord....today I am NOT going to look at the waves. I am going to look at the finished project. ...Lord you are greater than the waves.  Thank you Lord for the waves obeying you.

My prayers everyday were of Help... Lord what did I do.... Also my not so favorite saying became "we'll just figure it out". But then along with I'm drowning, the prayers were thank you for another day.  Thank you for this person or that person being able to get a  job.  Thank you for placing this person at our front door they just needed to feel validated today. 

So fast forward to 2014 and my self reflection of my Pollyanna View of life.  I create most of my drama in my life by not clearly thinking things through all the way.  I see in my head how perfect it should be but I don't allow myself to see the what if this happens or what if that happens.

Running a restaurant is a full time job. The thing is that neither Rob nor I even after putting in Thousands and I mean thousands of hours...have never been paid a penny.  Our staff gets paid, we pay our suppliers and the first year we had to repair:  the air conditioning 3x's (the last time was the biggest expense we had to replace major parts) we had to fix our walk-in refrigerator  3x's ( the first was an easy fix, the second was an all day affair with multiple phone calls and trips to get the parts to make it work). The third time one of the parts under warranty was faulty so we just paid for labor but again very costly. Then two of the three refrigeration units we have up front went out.  We pay over $1000 a month for utilities not including rent.

I say this for a couple of reasons:  one we have had many people say things to us in regards to "we'll you sure are making big bucks now", or "I guess you won't have to worry about getting paid".  I wanted to set that straight first of all.  And second of all we are here to help people find dignity in themselves via the 180 Program and work.  Yes some of the people that come through our doors may not have the best education nor up bringing...but if Jesus can die for them then I can help by giving them job skills and self dignity to start the process of re-entering society.  Last year just at the pizzeria we had 35 people go through the program and 34 have jobs and 4 have promotions and keys to stores. 

We have lost customers and we have heard things like "they employ jail birds so we will NEVER eat there again."  This hurts me because without people giving people a second, third or fourth chance.....we will be a sad excuse for a society.  

We started Against the Grain as a call on our lives to help people right here in the US, starting in Middle TN find dignity and find self worth Jesus style. We are Stateside Missionaries and rely on donations to Against the Grain to provide for salaries and the running of programs. 

Thank you to everyone who have and continue to support the work of AtG via the 180 Program, Brothers Pizza or tutoring a child.

If you would like more information about becoming involved at the Restaurant, teaching the 180 Program, becoming an accountability partner or tutoring a child please contact us:  info@atghope.org

Brothers Pizza 615-791-8383

AtG office 615-791-7885

Day 5 Leading Gods Way

In order to be a good leader you also need to know how to execute goals and visions.
Thomas Edison said:   “Vision without execution is hallucination.”

Scripture as also has a few things to say:

Proverbs 14: 23 says: All hard work brings profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty
I love this verse in regards to goals and goal setting.... Mere talk leads only to poverty....
So what "talking" are you doing too much of?

Day 4...humble leadership

“Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision and relentlessly drive it to completion” – Jack Welch.

To be a good leader you MUST lead by example not by words.

Lord may I lead those you have put in charge of me by example.  Lord if I ask anything of those who follow me may I be willing to do it first.

 Make this your prayer from  Philippians 2

Lord may I not  be selfish; help me not to try and impress others. Lord may I be humble, thinking of others as better than myself. May I not only look out  for my own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Lord, may I  have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.Lord even though Jesus had the right to royalty and being treated as a King, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave....may I take as a leader that same humble position 

Day 3 Leading God's way

I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail” – Woodrow Wilson.

Failure is falling and never getting back up.

This week has had many downsides to it and it is only Wednesday.  I have wanted to quit.  Say screw you and walk away.  And ultimately I have had to fight the demons in my head that say " you're not good enough".


But every time I say "fine, I'll just quit", I remind myself that as I am leading Gods way Satan will not be happy therefore why would I expect anything more than the week I have had and its only Wednesday

One of my favorite verses is Psalms 37:4. But for today we are going to make a prayer out of vs 3-6

 Lord may I trust in You and only you. Lord may I do the good You have asked of me.
 Lord Your word says that if I do those things then I will live safely in the land and prosper. Lord I want only you to be my delight. Lord as You give me my hearts desires may I be grateful for every opportunity.  Lord I surrender and commit everything I do to You Lord. Thank you Lord for the next promise as I TRUST You....Your word says you will help me.

Day 2 Leading Gods way

“There are many of us that are willing to do great things for the Lord, but few of us are willing to do the little things – DL Moody

As a leader you may never do great things by the worlds standards but as a Christian leader everything you do to lead is great.

As you lead ask God to make this your heart prayer: taken from 1Peter 5


Lord as you say in your word may I care for the flock that You have  entrusted to me. May I watch over it willingly, not grudgingly.  May I not worry for what I will get out of it, but because I am eager to serve You, God. Lord may I  lead them by Your own good example. Lord as you place people in my path may I not worry about having the right words or try to lead as the world leads but may I lead not by words but by the way I walk.

Leading God's way....day 1

Your Character is who you are inside.  So if you are a follower of Jesus what should your character be?

I noticed recently that people talk a great talk to get you to believe a certain way or to follow a certain path...but then you find out that in secret that their character is NOT that at all, actually everything they are telling you, you should not do....they are doing themselves.

So being a leader....we are all leaders.  We may be a leader of a company, small or large.  You may be a leader of a family.  You may be a leader at work (whether you have the title or not). You may be a leader because you have younger brothers or sisters or cousins.  You may be a leader at school.

So what kind of leader do you want to be? If you wish to lead as Jesus did then meditate on this from Matthew.

Lord may I not be the leader that rules in this world by lording it over the people I lead.  Lord may I  not be a leader that  flaunts  my  authority over those under me. But Lord may I lead differently by being your follower first. Lord may I take these words and become this leader: May I lead by becoming a servant. Lord may I remember that even You came not to be served but to serve others and to give Your life as a ransom for many. Thank you Lord for your example.


“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden.

Day 7... You are a Masterpiece

Last day....of praying specifically for what does God want from me....

So today may you mediate on Ephesians 2:10 as this prayer

Lord I know that You say in Your word that I am Your masterpiece.  I know that You created me anew in Christ Jesus.  I also know that You created me so that I could do the good things You planned for me long ago.... So Lord I pray that I will stop and listen and move when You tell me to move. Lord may I see myself as a masterpiece created.  Lord when the shame and guilt starts to rise and I start listening to the voices of the past that say I am worthless and especially not a masterpiece may I realize that those are lies from Satan keeping me from doing the good things You Lord planned long ago for me to do. -Amen 

Day 6...I surrender

So my Facebook post went like this:

Dear FB friends

Could use some serious BOMBARD the throne room prayer. I really need to hear God's audible voice on this.  I don't want to think I hear  so therefore I walk. I want to, NO need to hear God's audible voice on this before I make a move.

 

If you know me, I am that strong willed make it happen and deal with the consequences as they happen especially if something does not go the way I planned it in my head.

As I have been teaching and blogging,I have been taking my own advice to heart so.... I am begging for prayer.

Tonight I had been invited to a dinner for women who run ministries in Middle TN.  Now mind you this had been on my calendar since January 15th.

The woman who gets up to do a small devotional and she was talking and talking...it was great what she was saying....then all of a sudden she says "but God says have you ever thought about surrendering that to me? There are things that we can do BUT there are things that only God can do for us."

So it was like a lightbulb went off and I really wanted to say...."duh...NO....I can handle this with Gods help"... Then I heard God say, "I don't want your help, I want to do it for you".

But we have to say I surrender...not like in a war where there is a winner and a loser, but the faith to say....God you've got this because this is your playing field....I'm just here as a spectator.

This is not to say there will NOT be any consequences for the actions before we said "I surrender"...

But it is saying God I have faith that You ARE the Creator and Maker and You actually do know what's best and I am going to work over here on this ________ that you did give me control of and let You Lord do your thing over there.... And I promise not to micromanage You God.