Youth....can be used to do great things

God has a way of doing this....and I just have to laugh.

On my way to church God was speaking to me about youth and the state of youth groups today.  Our pastor starts chapter 37 of Genesis with:  Joseph, a young man of seventeen.

And he started in with (paraphrased): "teens you do not have to wait til you are older to get your act together...."

Immediately I thought of the scripture in 1 Timothy (which the pastor then referred to)

 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

The issue of today is that we see the "youth" as just an older group of kids that need to be cared for and entertained for 90 minutes on Sunday morning and a couple of hours during a midweek session.

What would the youth groups look like if we really taught them to live out 1 Timothy 4:12? 

What if they started running the youth group with this verse as a backdrop. 

What if we started today having youth group time be church and Sunday school time mimicked after "big church" and "adult Sunday School" classes? 

Not about the bigger Lazer tag outing and pizza party.  Or who has the cooler hangout for teens.  

You see teaching in jails gives me a glimpse of where we as a society have failed teens.  We first are hypocritical.  We teach the parents that it's about relationship: turn off the TV, computer, all electronics and play a board game or just talk..... But what do we fill our youth rooms with?  The biggest baddest stero system and gaming system....of course all done in the name of "outreach".

Why don't we get back to the basics....the BIBLE and that's it.  A real life BOOK with paper to take notes.  

So if we actually taught the youth to live out a Godly life today in their youth...

How different would the youth be when they took off to go to a College that wasn't Christian based?

How different would their work ethic be in the workplace?

How different would "boyfriend/girlfriend relationships be?

It's better than Hell

This whole year at church our pastor is preaching the ENTIRE book of Genesis.  Including this past weekend the "Edomite phone book" Genesis 36. From this text our pastor pulled out the fact that even though this entire family unit did NOT follow God, they did have riches.  God did give them things, they just chose not to live for God or about Gods business, our pastor called this "common grace".  

Common Grace is what we all receive by being allowed to breath, work, play and acquire riches here while on this earth. Every human being is given common grace. But with common grace your ability for eternal life with God is non-existent.  This is where saving grace comes in.  Jesus died for our sins so that we may have eternal life, all for the asking by repenting of our sinful lifestyle and changing our behavior. 

So why did this hit me so? Because he went on to talk about complaining. We as Christ followers complain because we don't have....XYZ but the non-believer does have XYZ.  God grants common grace to all....BUT saving grace is given to few Matthew 7: 21-23 

 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

 

Also James 4 where I have been stuck for a week now makes even more sense. 

You adulterous people,don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world (just wanting common grace) becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But HE gives us more grace (saving grace) 

I also have been marinating on the early verse in James 

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  

So as he ended the sermon he reminded us that what we are going through on this earth is better than Hell. 

So the next time I start to say but why God?  I will remember 1 Peter 1:24-25

For, “All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.” And this is the word that was preached to you.

Wow...that Bible is heavy!!!

My daughter had been asking for a new study Bible and I told her that I had one to give her.  

Well today after months of forgetting to put it in the car....she came over and I was home.....so I presented the Bible to her.  To which she said as I placed it in her hands, "boy, that's heavy".

Her comment: "boy, that's heavy"...made me think, she's correct, the Bible, Gods word is heavy.  

We sat and laughed and even said "what were you expecting The New Testament with Proverbs"?  To which she said half kidding, "yeah, you know the one you stick in your back pocket and pull it out real quick when you need to reference something".  

From there my husband said "yeah, like the owners manual of the vehicle, you only get it out when there is a question or a problem with the vehicle". 

Now we had our laugh, but I felt a real heavy burden to write this because, even though we laugh, it is true for many.

They think that Gods book is too heavy, so therefore they never pick it up, and they think that Gods words are only to be used to chastise those who are doing wrong.  

Yes that is true it is to be used to chastise those who are doing wrong, but it's a book for those who are Believers. This is a book to be read daily so that we, Believers can act with purpose. 

When Gods word disciplines it's for those that believe in Jesus for their salvation.  It is not a rule book to be followed by those who follow the world, yet many Christians want to use it that way.  

So to you, who call yourself a Christian, I have a question for you....do you open the "manual" daily so that you stay running at tip top performance or is it a manual that only gets used when the lights start dinging, and the vehicle has stopped moving? 

Sidewalks and Needles

A few weeks ago I met a mom. Her life is in shambles due to choices she has made.  DRUGS have been her priority instead of her children. While I was standing there, her youngest came up to me.  I crouched down to her level and she let me pick her up. Not only did she let me pick her up, but she laid her head down and held me tight. I did not think anything about it...kids love me and let me pick them up all the time. Her mother, noticing that she let me pick her up commented to her friend "look, she NEVER does that". Again not thinking anything about it, I finished our conversation and that was the end. 

  

Fast forward to today.

We have not been to our home church in a few weeks due to traveling for conventions and a needed respite after being re-triggered and dealing with PTSD ( see prior blog post)

As I am sitting there,worship band playing, I am singing, I start to feel an oppression come over me. 

Now if you know me, people say I have the gift of intercessory prayer; God will wake me up out of a dead sleep and I will have to pray....sometimes God tells me who to pray for and sometimes not, but the prayers have always been generic: keep so and so safe, guide so and so, etc.   

Well this morning it was totally different... ( and if you don't believe in the Spiritual battles that are unseen, you will probably read this and want to have me committed).

I start to see this little girl from weeks ago. She is running to me. I bend down to pick her up, then I feel the need to pray for her mother and the other single mom that is keeping her children.  

As I am just praying a simple prayer of "God be with them.  Give them strength".  I feel God saying NO, I need you to pray specifics.  

By this time I am crying uncontrollably because as I am singing (the words that I have written below,from Chris Tomlin ) I now have this vision: I am seeing the mom that I met, laying on the sidewalk, a needle not far from her arm and I feel satan right there enticing her.  Now I am singing these words as my prayer to God for her. The oppression was so strong, the prescensce of evil was so prevalent. I felt like I was fighting for her life. 

 

You hear me when I call

You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night

It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy

Underneath my feet

You are my sword and shield

Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name

For You alone can save

You will deliver me

Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in Your hands

I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in Your hands

I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

You are faithful

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

I found myself singing these words with emphasis....praying her name....changing the words just a little to become a prayer, begging God to spare her. To save her.  

Then we took communion.  I found myself taking the bread and the cup and lifting them back up to God and saying " Lord may they know that this bread that represents Your body is for them also.  And this juice representing Your blood, was shed for them also.  No matter how bad she thinks she is or how awful the things she has done....You are calling for Your child to accept Your forgiveness".  So now I am crying again and we sing this song.....and again I start praying it as a specific pray for my new friend. 

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

This event was so real, the vision was so real.  I was exhausted.  I felt like I had been in a battle.  It hurt me so much for this mom, that I actually found the preachers phone number and texted during church to make sure that this mom was still alive.  

Again I have never had such a huge burden and oppression hit me for someone like this with specificity. And I am not sure why I felt the need to share this event, except maybe someone else needs to know that: no matter how bad your past or your past mistakes, the only step under consideration is the very next step.....and without God in your corner, (accepting Him as The Lord of your life, asking for forgiveness of yours sins, and repenting), success over the shame and guilt will NOT be achieved. You will stay in the cycle of "letting life happen", and you will not be free from your addiction.  

Done living in denial

Just over a week ago I was in Texas at a convention.  It was a great convention with lots of prospects for the 180 Program. 

Everyday I got a little more tired because instead of staying on site we stayed with relatives and took public transportation to and from the event.  It was a great time and I would not change it for the world.  On the last day though, I did not realize how tired I really was until a gentleman had gotten on the train.  He smelled of day old smoke and was very gruff when speaking. He sat down across from me and started asking questions to the gentleman who was sitting behind him. Rob, who was sitting behind me, just placed his hand on my shoulder as he said he could see my whole body tense.  The rest of the ride I tried to busy my mind with other things, it didn't work. By the time we arrived at our stop, I could not breathe and I could not get off the train quick enough.  Trying to hold it together, I was standing in line at McDonalds and couldn't even concentrate long enough to order. Crying just seemed to come and was not something that could be shut off. 

I still had an hour to stand at our booth, smile and talk about ministry; I knew that was not going to be possible without intervention.  Thanks to all of you who prayed that Saturday morning. 

So fast forward through this week:  I worked, I taught, I worked some more and taught some more.  Plowing through the week as if nothing had happened last week. 

I found myself not sleeping, getting agitated and having anxiety. On Thursday I was teaching and I could tell that something was different with this guy that was in class. As we were talking about excuses and living in denial he said that last week he accepted The Lord, because on the first week of class I challenged him to start acting different if he really wanted to be different.  He then stated that he was going to quit "the gang".  He proceeded to tell me the gang he was apart of and I just kept smiling and praying.  

"Thank you Lord, that this man wants to follow You and not the world especially the gang, but Lord the last time this happened, I was beaten up for it.  Lord give me strength to keep plugging away as You have asked me. Lord as I walk, let me walk in obedience and not fear". 

By Saturday morning I was finished. Put a fork in me I am done. I was so fidgety and full of anxiety that I realized I had hardly eaten in a few days and I was just going through the motions of life. 

So why am I blogging about this. Because I think this picture I took today captured the way I felt this past week but did not realize I was allowing myself to live in denial of "I'm ok...I'm a Christian and God is bigger than my problems, so therefore I have no problems". 

 So here are my take-a-ways from this past week.  

1) I HAVE to take time for ME.  

I feel if I take down time then some how I am less than and then I allow the shame and guilt of my past to creep up, start speaking and before I know it, I can fall into a depression. 

2) It's ok to take ME time.

This past week has taught me that I NEED me time. I learned that by living with PTSD, being re triggered and NOT completely decompressing that it allows for a build up that when it blows.....be ware. I felt that time coming this week but I did not know how to deal with it so I shut down.  Shut downs also creates depression. 

3) I also learned this week, that just because it works for you, it may not work for me.....and that is ok.  

Living with PTSD and depression is different for every person.  How it rears itself.  How it affects us.  How it gets dealt with. The thing I learned this week is that by living in the denial that "it does not affect my daily life"; allows for satan to use it more and more therefore keeping me from being productive. 

I know now, that this is a part of my daily life.  It is not an excuse to say see "this is why", but instead it is just a speed bump that I have learned is part of living everyday to the fullest.  

How I respond is how effective I will be in getting to the end of the day with myself in tact or the transmission tore out from speeding over and slamming down on the other side of the speed bump.

Roulette....the house always wins

My phone rang at 10:53pm, Hello I said.  The voice on the other end said "did you hear the news"?

I met her in a jail cell.  Her charges?, they don't matter.  What matters is that if you stopped long enough to see "her", not her lifestyle but her, you  could tell, she was empty and void of life.  She was full though, at the same time.  She was full of shame and guilt because of her lifestyle. 

I had great hopes for her, but she was closed off.  She had been hurt one too many times. The road of life and disappointments had made her callous to what I had to say. 

As class started, she talked about her job and the fact that she liked the attention. She could tell me every gift she had gotten from every ministry that walked through the doors of her work. 

This was her hope.  She knew she would never measure up to "those peoples" expectations, and  with shame and guilt being her guides, why even try? 

She was transferred to another jail, released on bond, and was due to start a program the next week.  But because her identity was wrapped up in attention and shame and guilt were her guides, she wanted one last horrah, before her freedom, as she saw it, was taken. 

"Just one more time", she would say. 

Now today her body will be laid to rest.  I can not tell you how many people say, as they are sitting across from me in a jail cell: I just wanted to do ______________,one more time."

Our human need, our selfish need is to, do what we want with no regard to the consequence. 

The world is Satan's playground and he gets people caught up in the thrill of "just one more"...... 

A game a chance, roulette, Russian or otherwise still has the same outcome.....the house always wins. 

So today, stop, take the time to notice the person, not the profession, habit or addiction...take time.  Not the pat answer of "God loves you".    Because right now God is not real to them....the drug is, the attention is, the hurt is, the _____________is.

Do I really want to be a Paul?

Today it hit me,(after my banter back and forth with God, see Facebook status),what would it had been like if Paul had put his heels in the sand after the first beating and imprisonment?

Saul was headed to Damascus with letters from the high priests addressed to the synagogues asking for their cooperation in the arrest  of any followers of the Way he found there. Prior to that it says "Saul was uttering threats with every breath and was eager to kill the Lords followers". 

We know the story that Jesus stopped him on that road, made him blind and told him to go to into the city and that he would be told what to do.

Now enters Ananias, a believer. The Lord speaks to Ananias and tells him exactly what to do. 

But Lord....do you not know who that is?..., Ananias's response is a story for another day...because I think we do this a lot too.  

The Lord says:" go for Saul he is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles, and to the kings, as well as to the people of Israel.

Now here is a part of the verse I never remember reading..... " and I will show him how much he must suffer for my names sake".

Now through out Acts we see: Jews tried to murder him. He was put in prison after being stripped and severely beaten. 

But as I skimmed through Acts I found the 20th chapter: " I don't know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city jail and suffering lie ahead. But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by The Lord Jesus ~the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. 

I so relate to this: but my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned to me by The Lord Jesus.....the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. 

Do I want to be beaten again? Of course not....but I am not going to live in fear that he could show up in a class at any given time.  I will complete the course set for me long ago.  Ephesians 2:10  

They aren't JUST Words....

This week my husband called me out on something and when he did I was not too happy.  But the more God has had me marinating on it.....I realize it is actually very important. Funny how God does that. 

Then I was in the College Sunday School class and that was when I knew I needed to be obedient and write about it. 

Today the first verse we read in class was: 

             Proverbs 12:1 To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

Then as we opened the book and Luke 16:10 was written:

      If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest   in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. 

When we started this ministry and I had to write my first report for the judge, I was given this advice "only the facts and no personal inflection". 

The other day Rob called me out on a text.  He said "that's not how it read".  He was correct, I put my own inflection in it because I was already upset about something else  and the text just set me off.  

So instead of just stating the facts, I added inflection.  Then Rob said "words mean things". I will paraphrase the rest of the conversation as I now see it today: by adding inflection when telling someone what someone else said or even wrote, adds a lack of trust that you are telling the truth in other situations. 

I was upset when he was telling me this and then he brought up the verse Luke 16:10, and he paraphrased it " if you can't be trusted with the little, how can you be trusted with the bigger things?"  

I have heard this verse for many years and always thought it meant: money due to the next verse in Luke.  Luke 16:11, states    

And if you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven? 

But the more God convicted me of trust and words; the more I started praying for my own sin.

So something that was not meant for harm, the inflection I put into the text made it sound like the person was being vindictive. So if this had gone unchecked, think about the consequences that could have happened.  Consequences could be as simple as a cold shoulder towards this person by my husband, to calling this person out.  Which brings me to the next verse 

Luke 16:12 

And if you are not faithful with other people’s things, why should you be trusted with things of your own?

What things?  Words, character, integrity just to name a few. 

So why make this public? Because sin is sin and breaks your relationship with others but more importantly God. 

And I want to be transparent that even socially acceptable sins, are sins and breaks God's heart. And as I want to live a transformed life I want to be obedient to Gods leading and nudging. 

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week if you watch my news feed you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer,

and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to "fix it" yourself....

Yep I am there.

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.  

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?

How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all! 

But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.

Be strong, all you people still left in the land.

And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 

My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today? 

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed. 

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!

Self-medicating

This week I have watched families disintegrate due to: infidelity, drugs, alcohol, pornography and much more.

I have taught this week in places where those sitting in front of me have become the expectation of those speaking into their lives.

Then to top the week off I got a not one but two messages that just sent me over the edge.

As we drove home we contemplated going out for a drink and dinner or just going home.  We chose going home.

So oatmeal and a cup of coffee it was. We plopped down on the couch just shaking our heads in disbelief of the week that had just ended.

"Let's just watch a movie", I said.

"Ok".

So I went over to our movie selection and started silently reading the movie titles.  I chose one and put it in the DVD player.

For the next 90 minutes I was lost in a town called "Grady, South Carolina". It's a very small town of about 1 square mile.  As one of the characters says " you can't poop in this town without everyone knowing what color it is".

For 90 minutes I also did not have a care in the world. I was engrossed in someone else's make believe world of Hollywood.

As the movie ended my pain came back.  The remembering of all the things that had happened this past 5 hours let alone all week. But as I googled Grady South Carolina, I found out the town never existed.  It actually was another town in another state, re-named to make a movie. There was no hope of ever finding this town to have this blissful feeling in real life.

Then it hit me as I longed to go back into that movie and get lost again.....how easy it is to "self-medicate".

People get caught up in this cycle called life's pain, bumps and bruises.  And depending on those around them could very well start their self- medicating that will end with an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  If they are a recluse or feel they can not share, then their addiction could become cutting, pornography or even food.

Last night I really felt that God gave me a glimpse into self-medicating for a couple of reasons.
1) To better understand those we work with
2) To understand how easy it is

The challenge becomes for those who see their only hope is in self-medication to make the pain go away, because that's what the world sells:  hope in sex, hope in attention, hope in drugs/alcohol, hope in money, hope in a different destination.

I wanted the pain of this week to go away so bad that I wanted to lose myself.  Lucky for me my hope is not in my week but a God who allows weeks like this so that I become more and more dependent upon Him and not myself.

My hope is in the One who made this awesome sunset...

No Shower will ever be enough

So why are you here?

Why did you not go to the church?

Her answer: the church doors were locked and I did not know how to get in.  I could see people walking around, but no one heard my silent cries for help.

Why did you not knock harder?

Her answer: I didn't want to be rejected.  I've been rejected for so long by people, that I was afraid to be rejected by God.

Church wake up..these buildings are to be a safe place, a place of refuge 7 days a week.

We are  group of hurting people fear of rejection.  Church please don't reject us also.  Open your doors.  Open your doors and walk with us.  Don't condemn us, we can do that on our own.  Don't look at us with those eyes; you know those eyes that tell us we don't fit in.  We know we don't, you don't have to judge us too, we already feel dirty enough. No shower will ever be enough.  The stank, we have created by our choices, you remind us that it will always be there by the way you walk to the other side of the hallway or sidewalk.

We just need someone to hold us and tell us they love us without expecting anything in return.

We need someone to walk with us in relationship that isn't afraid to get our stink on them.  That stench we smell, that permeates our skin because we've  worn it for so long.....

***If you are this person in this story, please know that Jesus, has not and will not reject you. If you are afraid of being rejected but need someone to talk to please reach out.***

Are you a crown or a cancer?

Today's blog is just for women: 

In Proverbs 12 it says: 
A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones

Worthy, worthy of what? What is the definition of worthy? Honorable, valuable.

I think one of the challenges today is that "things", are so attainable and easily thrown away that relationships start to become "things" also.

We also start looking for our self worth in things and what we have to offer.

There use to be a simpler time when women were admired for their inner beauty not their outer beauty.  There was a time when wearing clothes that covered our bodies and not being out on the streets looking for love was admirable. There was a time when you waited for the guy to come around, and you did not throw yourself at them EVER.  You didn't go looking for it.  There was a time, actually, when courting, was the norm. There was a time when being a virgin on your wedding night was the norm not the exception.

Why do we think today, that we can't be like a woman of yesteryear?  Why do we think that by walking the streets, searching the Internet,going to the clubs, posting pictures on websites in clothing that should have been outlawed, that we will get men worthy of us being a "crown"....  Instead of being a crown you will be a jewel he will add to his already filled crown of other women that meant nothing.

Why do we not see ourselves worthy to be a crown?  Why have we let the world of advertising tell us that "unless you are this size" or "doing this in the world", you are less than?  Why do we think that as soon as the guy says hello we need to jump in bed with them?  Why do we not see ourselves worthy of being that crown to our husband, key word husband....why do we worry that we will miss something if we settle down and start a life with just one man?  Why do we think that our lives will be empty if we become a woman of a time gone by?

What would our relationships look like, what would our children learn if we became the women of yesteryear?

So my question is; are you a crown or a cancer?

And if you are not married, what are your actions teaching your children? And with your actions, are you going to catch the attention of a righteous, God-fearing, man?

Complacency and Marriage; A Deadly Combination

This last week our Pastor taught on the creating of Eve for Adam.  The joke was that God was a good God because he brought Adam a naked wife.   He also stated some more serious statements like Eve was made out of Adams RIB not his foot bone to be less than and not from the head to be grater than....

But the RIB to fit into.  We are a helper, helpmate or are we?

Many times I think we get into marriage thinking we are in love but in reality it's an infatuation.  The word love gets used too frequently these days by young teens and young adults.  In my opinion the word LOVE has become diluted to mean:  today, I will do what you ask and be with you  but when something better comes along, I'll see ya later.  When that "better" comes along; then all the faults that were there to begin with that you accepted, now become reasons you can't "love" them anymore.

This last week I watched a movie by Tyler Perry called "Temptation".  I won't tell you the whole story line but the main part I want to point out is how we get complacent in our (in this case) marriage, and we take each other for granted. We forget what each others love languages are, we forget what makes them laugh, we forget what makes them happy, we forget what makes them ALIVE.   And we forget who we are, then one day someone or something gets introduced into our lives and we realize how unhappy we are.

There are a few reasons for complacency:

• We grew up together and it becomes just a part of our daily routine
• We get into a routine and just think the other person will always be there
• The other person will take my crap because he/she married me

And the list could go on and on....but the truth is complacency and taking your marriage and your husband/ wife as an individual  for granted is just what Satan wants.

So here are a few practical ways to get out of the "routine" of marriage

• Be spontaneous, now this will be hard if you have a Type A, Choleric, super first, or first born personality....and spouse if are married to that type of personality then you may have to modify your spontaneity.
• Be intentional
• Make sure your spouse feels appreciated
• Don't talk to everyone about your spouse and their shortcoming
• If you don't know what your and your spouses love language is find out:      http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/                       
• Now that you know both know, do them....watch out though your natural action will be to do the love language that you are
• Talk, uninterrupted talk....put away the electronics, shut the TV off and talk.
• Go for a walk
• If you can afford it, get away to a place where there is no TV, Internet, or cell service.
•  What did you used to do when you first met and had no money but at the end of the evening you were full because you truly cared for the person you had just spent the past hours with
•  Add your own:

May they stay alive long enough

In the past 24 hours, I have heard these words not once but twice "may they stay alive long enough...."

Living in denial that an addiction is not serious goes like this....

"I can stop ________when I want and it only affects me".

When you believe this then you find out real fast that, that is a lie that Satan uses to keep you in your state of being addicted. Let me show you.

When you say I can stop ____________whenever I want: you keep doing whatever it is you are doing.

Your belief becomes that you are in control so therefore you don't need help.

You end up going through your day and week and longer, just trying to get through until.....

Your actions then become ___________________. You quit going to work, you lose your friends, you ________.

Then your life starts to fall apart because you.....end up in jail, become homeless, and worse case....you end up 6 feet under.

Now some may say being 6 feet under would be the best case, then I don't have to deal with life (code word for consequences).  I want you to hear me when I say....dealing with your consequences will be a piece of cake when you get to the other side of your living in denial and start taking the needed steps to get healthy and becoming responsible.  Why do I say that?   Because  YOU are worth living a life worthy of what God wants you to be. You may not be able to see it right now, but I know the God I serve.  He is a loving and caring God but  I also know He is a jealous God, who wants all100% all 100% of the time.

My favorite quote is "God makes NO junk".

So call me if you are ready to deal with life.

Catch 22

The truth is......

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way...

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram "debilitating mentalities".  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don't want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe ( usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities.... She is hearing....

"You did something to deserve this"

"No one will believe you because you're just a prostitute".

"You call the police, they won't believe you, look at your rap sheet".

So the truth is..... Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of "healthy people", walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when "their excuses" are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they "slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors"... To not judge so harshly that you say "screw this, you're not worth my time", and walk away.  Your relationship may change, but we don't add to the shame by saying "I new you'd mess up.  I knew you couldn't do it".  That does not help anyone get healthy.

My Heart Breaks For You

My heart breaks as I read statuses, as I look at photos, and read replies.

"Oh, how dare they, they can't do that."

"Oh, don't the both of you look cute".

"Oh what a beautiful child, I am so proud and happy for you".

"Don't they know how much I need a job".

"She'll get hers, I can promise you that".

Following what you want in life is called following the desires of our sinful nature.

Some of the things we do when we are following the world, friends, the crowds, latest fads or trends or when our go to behavior only has our personal satisfaction as its best interest, these following examples can be the result:

sexual immorality: immoral is defined as deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong. So put the word sexual in front of that then you have:  deliberately violating sexually accepted principles of right and wrong.

impurity: the quality of being corrupt, no longer being pure

lustful pleasures: lustful is defined as having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire.     Pleasure is defined as a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. So lustful pleasures is defined as: having or showing strong feelings of sexual desire and getting satisfaction and enjoyment from it.

idolatry: the act of showing respect and love for something and placing it into a higher place even over yourself.

sorcery:  exercising  supernatural powers through the aid of evil spirits; black magic; witchery.

hostility: an unfriendly attitude or action

quarreling: to have an angry argument or disagreement

jealousy: resentment against a rival, or against a person enjoying success.

outbursts of anger: a sudden release of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

selfish ambition: to only look out and think about oneself.

dissension: strong disagreement

division: the act of separating into parts

envy: a feeling of discontented because you want someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

drunkenness: the state of being intoxicated

wild parties: out of control, amazingly out of this world get together's

When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear:

1. Figuring out how to get out of jail
2. Figuring out if the person/people that were with you are even still alive
3. Trying to remember who you were with and what you did
4. 6 weeks later either making the call or being on the receiving end of the call:  "I'm having a baby" or "you're going to be a father".
5. Living up to what you did last weekend
6. 9 months later realizing you are now responsible for this little person for the next 18 years
7. Being controlled by demons and evil spirits
8. Feeling unworthy
9. Feeling dirty
10. Doing illegal activity so you can have what you can't afford because you want what other people have
11. Doing illegal activity just because you aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make money, save money and provide for yourself and your family

To change, to quit making excuses takes a NEW BEHAVIOR and a NEW DESIRE.

It can be done, but it takes a will power to want to change.

Step 1:You have to first and foremost know who YOU are, and what YOU really want to be.
Step 2: Then you have to surround yourself with people that are like what you want to become.
Step 3: Then you have to repeat step one and two over and over again.

So why does my heart breaks?

 Because I know that the people writing these statuses have more to offer this world.

Anger....don't let it control you.

Don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives the devil a foothold.

In today's world we let things get to us and we hold it in.  Those feelings then can turn into anger. Without addressing the actual annoyance, then we allow it to turn into full blown anger.

As we allow our anger to control us we do stupid things.
Maybe it will be as simple as using language not becoming or slamming of doors or throwing of objects.
More serious would be having our hands actually touch another person, an animal or even getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while the anger is in control of us.

As we allow the anger to control our actions and REACTIONS.... We know the outcome will not be good.

Simply you may have to apologize to someone for the language or the slamming of an object, or maybe you will have to fix a door or patch the wall.

But is it really a simple fix?

No, anger does a lot of damage behind the scenes as well, even what I call simple anger.

You will always be wondering; what's going to set that person off today?  And if you are a person who wants revenge and you know the other person is controlled by anger you may intentionally do things to get a rise out of them so that they will go out of control.

Anger is a huge issue as the stress of life gets to us.  You may think you don't have an anger problem....well think about it this way.

If your child interrupts you while you are concentrating on getting an email out or trying to get everyone out the door to a church function.....how do you parent in the moment?

We learn by watching....Monkey see, Monkey do.....

So if you don't like how those around you are acting...maybe it's time to look in the mirror.

We always want the quick fix and the pat answer its not my fault, I would never act like that nor do that.....you are correct you may not have done what they are doing, but it still has the root issue.....ANGER is controlling them instead of US controlling our anger.

Where do I fit in?

You used to think I was cute.  You used to come see me when I was younger.  But now.... 

Where do I fit in? 

You come into my neighborhood to play with the little kids and hold the babies... but what about me?  

I am your age.  I may not have the luxuries that you have nor may I get to leave this neighborhood anytime soon, but what about me?

Do you see me looking out the window?  

I walk out of my house hoping to get invited to play ball or at least asked to join the conversation that's going on, on the sidewalk, but I guess I am invisible, becuase you don't even say "hi". 

Do you even want to get to know me?  

I know who you are, I see you in the hallway at school, but do you see me?

I pass by you and I hear you talking to your friends about the "project" you were involved with over the weekend...do you even see me?

I just want to be your friend, do you want to be mine or will I only and always be a "project"? 

This is not just a problem with teens its also an issue with adults.  My advice is to make sure that when you are reaching out and doing local missions; that a "project" is not your intention but relationship building is your ultimate goal with all ages NOT just the babies and kids. 

How do you expect to stay clean if you keep playing in the mud?

I was sent a video this morning and he made a statement " you'll never get clean by walking through mud" my re-write is:  " how do you expect to stay clean if you keep playing in the mud".

It went right along with some marinating thoughts I have been having this past couple of weeks.

As I  have been on Facebook, posts from women and young girls have been catching my attention as I have been asking God to show me what it is that breaks His heart.  These girls seem to think vulgar language, having sex with this guy or that guy, going to this party or that party is what life is all about.  Then they show off pictures of their new outfits, that look like they were actually bought for their child. They go on to say how awesome last night was... then 2 days later "how dare they? Oh No they didn't! Just wait til.....

My question is when will they be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  When will they want a life that has meaning not just in the moment but next year or the year after that or heck... 50 years from now?

What will it be that shows them that there is more to life than just the next night of sex or getting drunk?

When will they stop to look long enough in the mirror and ask: What legacy am I leaving for my children?

When will they stop long enough to say "I am worth more than a night of whatever passion, with whoever just to fulfill that empty feeling".

That empty feeling that will then be fulfilled for 9 months while they are carrying the child to term.  But with no regard to the life that will be relying on you for the next 18 years, they still continue in their lifestyle and they'll worry about it when the time comes. And for some the time has come and they still don't seem care.  They are still trying to figure out how to find love.

And the life they brought into this world unfortunately will not be seen as a burden.

That life will not bring you the happiness you are looking for, nor will the guy who helped create it. If you are lucky he will pay child support, but he didn't stay around for the other children he has running around why will he stay for you?  What makes you any different?  You gave him what he wanted now you get to live with.... well if you are lucky all you get out of the deal is a child.

When will enough be enough.  Why do you think a weekend fling will be the difference this time for you to find love and fulfillment?

If you want someone to truly respect and love you....then you first need to love and respect yourself.  

Impurities, they do the body good....RIGHT?

 2 years ago I was told that if I wanted to continue to walk that I needed to start watching my diet.  It was found out that my body decided it didn't like gluten, corn,dairy,egg whites, peanuts and all by products, oh yeah and it doesn't like the metal Gold.

When I told my husband I could not wear my wedding rings anymore it actually went like this: " hey honey, my body is now allergic to my wedding rings". That went over like a lead balloon. But Thanksgiving came, and I knew of a place that had real looking costume jewelry, so thank you to everyone who comments on my ring....it was $21 in Gatlinburg.

No back to the real reason  for today's blog...

This past couple of weeks we got a new gluten free pizza crust in that actually crunches when you eat it and  it tastes....phenomenal. Well I was craving a real pizza so I made not one real pizza, but over the past few weeks I made.....well lets say I lost count. Then I had a few dinners and brunches to attend to and tried to eat what I could... But again no self-control and I ate more dairy.  

This past weekend I chose the lesser of all the evils on a menu, so I thought.....and it was not an omelet with regular eggs, it was with only egg whites, and filled with some fancy cheese.

Today I had lunch at a local Restaurant.   I love this restaurant because it has this amazing dip, full of diary. I made the excuse that I brought my own chips and I refused the tortilla, so all should be good....oh yeah did I tell you we asked for a second bowl.  But now...


I made choices, lots of them....I knew that those choices were not the best for me.  Also if you read carefully you will see I made excuses, "the lesser of the evils, it was new and crunched like a pizza so therefore needed the supreme toppings of a pizza, I brought my own chips."


Today if you were any where near me or on the phone you would think this women has bronchitis..... NO in reality this is the consequence I now have to live with for the next week or longer,(should I choose to make even more bad choices).  I feel great, as I don't have any aches or pains, but I now will cough and wheeze for the better of a week as my body gets rid of the impurities I put into it.

But we put impurities in our body everyday. Impurities come through websites, music, people, food, words, and then last but not least we can actually sum it all up to add what I just wrote plus anything else you may think:  our SINFUL desires.

So as you are dealing with the consequences of wrong choices remember that making one right choice then another, then another, will start to get you healthy... And in my case I will stop wheezing and coughing.
Here is a prayer using Galatians 5 as the background:

  Holy Spirit please  guide my life. With You, Holy Spirit in charge I  won’t be doing what my sinful nature craves.  My sinful nature wants me to do evil, which I know  is just the opposite of what You,Holy Spirit wants. And Holy Spirit give me the desires that are the opposite of what my sinful nature desires. Lord I know these two forces are constantly fighting each other, so Holy Spirit I surrender my sinful will  so that  you are free to carry out your good intentions.  

Year in Review with Brothers Pizza

This is extra long but I have posted lately about my Pollyanna Attitude and now that 2013 is over and 2014 is a new year with a new outlook I thought you might want to read the truth about last year and the struggles and triumphs.  I think I have grown more as a leader and as a person in the past 13 months and may God get all the glory becuase without Him, I can truthfully say I would not have been here today to write this blog. 

In November of 2012, I was having lunch with a single mom at Brothers Pizza. While there I was talking with management.  I wanted to talk with them about creating a partnership where we (Against the Grain's 180 Program) could bring in clients to work and train to help them get back into the world of work.  I was quickly met with "that would be a great idea BUT, the Pizza place is for sale".

I called my husband and he called the owner, (Rob used to work there when the economy had started to tank). The meeting was set.  We started to pray and we sat down with our Board of Directors.

Within 2 months Against the Grain was now the proud owners of a Pizza Restaurant.

December 30th we have a staff meeting and explain what will be taking place on January 1st. One teen is playing on his phone all meeting long and is overheard after the meeting stating "does this mean now we have to work"? He no showed, no called all that week, we figured he quit".

January 1st  came and we walked in.  Staff standing everywhere. No one in the restaurant but a full staff, we quickly explain "you have time to lean, you have time to clean".  The store started to take shape after a week of DEEP cleaning. 

One day we walked in unannounced and had a female who was pregnant doing her community service...she was cleaning and items had to be moved.  There was a very able bodied teenager working also, his back was to the restaurant and he was watching TV.  Needless to say, he did not have a job much longer, he did not like the fact that we told him if he was on the clock he would be working NOT watching TV. 

This last year had many more downs than ups.  I was going through the journal I started keeping 9 days into owning the restaurant.

January 9th says: Lord I am starting this in Jan 9 because the waves are getting harder and faster. I am drowning and I need you to hold me please. I feel like I could quit swimming at anytime, give up and just drown.

January 10.... You covered me with angles so that they took the blows and protected me from the rushing waves.  Any surfer would have been ecstatic to ride the waves that have hit me over the past 10 days. But Lord, You are the Great I Am and You came to my rescue when I finally called.

January 11...Lord did the books yesterday and we need a miracle.  This restaurant actually costing lots of money.  We thought it was a self sustaining restaurant.....this first month is killing me so I lay it down at Your feet and ask for You,my Daddy to take care of it please.

January 12.... Lord thank you for showing us a vision of what can happen at the Pizza place.

January 14... Oh Lord....today I am NOT going to look at the waves. I am going to look at the finished project. ...Lord you are greater than the waves.  Thank you Lord for the waves obeying you.

My prayers everyday were of Help... Lord what did I do.... Also my not so favorite saying became "we'll just figure it out". But then along with I'm drowning, the prayers were thank you for another day.  Thank you for this person or that person being able to get a  job.  Thank you for placing this person at our front door they just needed to feel validated today. 

So fast forward to 2014 and my self reflection of my Pollyanna View of life.  I create most of my drama in my life by not clearly thinking things through all the way.  I see in my head how perfect it should be but I don't allow myself to see the what if this happens or what if that happens.

Running a restaurant is a full time job. The thing is that neither Rob nor I even after putting in Thousands and I mean thousands of hours...have never been paid a penny.  Our staff gets paid, we pay our suppliers and the first year we had to repair:  the air conditioning 3x's (the last time was the biggest expense we had to replace major parts) we had to fix our walk-in refrigerator  3x's ( the first was an easy fix, the second was an all day affair with multiple phone calls and trips to get the parts to make it work). The third time one of the parts under warranty was faulty so we just paid for labor but again very costly. Then two of the three refrigeration units we have up front went out.  We pay over $1000 a month for utilities not including rent.

I say this for a couple of reasons:  one we have had many people say things to us in regards to "we'll you sure are making big bucks now", or "I guess you won't have to worry about getting paid".  I wanted to set that straight first of all.  And second of all we are here to help people find dignity in themselves via the 180 Program and work.  Yes some of the people that come through our doors may not have the best education nor up bringing...but if Jesus can die for them then I can help by giving them job skills and self dignity to start the process of re-entering society.  Last year just at the pizzeria we had 35 people go through the program and 34 have jobs and 4 have promotions and keys to stores. 

We have lost customers and we have heard things like "they employ jail birds so we will NEVER eat there again."  This hurts me because without people giving people a second, third or fourth chance.....we will be a sad excuse for a society.  

We started Against the Grain as a call on our lives to help people right here in the US, starting in Middle TN find dignity and find self worth Jesus style. We are Stateside Missionaries and rely on donations to Against the Grain to provide for salaries and the running of programs. 

Thank you to everyone who have and continue to support the work of AtG via the 180 Program, Brothers Pizza or tutoring a child.

If you would like more information about becoming involved at the Restaurant, teaching the 180 Program, becoming an accountability partner or tutoring a child please contact us:  info@atghope.org

Brothers Pizza 615-791-8383

AtG office 615-791-7885

Day 5 Leading Gods Way

In order to be a good leader you also need to know how to execute goals and visions.
Thomas Edison said:   “Vision without execution is hallucination.”

Scripture as also has a few things to say:

Proverbs 14: 23 says: All hard work brings profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty
I love this verse in regards to goals and goal setting.... Mere talk leads only to poverty....
So what "talking" are you doing too much of?

Day 4...humble leadership

“Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision and relentlessly drive it to completion” – Jack Welch.

To be a good leader you MUST lead by example not by words.

Lord may I lead those you have put in charge of me by example.  Lord if I ask anything of those who follow me may I be willing to do it first.

 Make this your prayer from  Philippians 2

Lord may I not  be selfish; help me not to try and impress others. Lord may I be humble, thinking of others as better than myself. May I not only look out  for my own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Lord, may I  have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.Lord even though Jesus had the right to royalty and being treated as a King, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave....may I take as a leader that same humble position 

Day 3 Leading God's way

I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail” – Woodrow Wilson.

Failure is falling and never getting back up.

This week has had many downsides to it and it is only Wednesday.  I have wanted to quit.  Say screw you and walk away.  And ultimately I have had to fight the demons in my head that say " you're not good enough".


But every time I say "fine, I'll just quit", I remind myself that as I am leading Gods way Satan will not be happy therefore why would I expect anything more than the week I have had and its only Wednesday

One of my favorite verses is Psalms 37:4. But for today we are going to make a prayer out of vs 3-6

 Lord may I trust in You and only you. Lord may I do the good You have asked of me.
 Lord Your word says that if I do those things then I will live safely in the land and prosper. Lord I want only you to be my delight. Lord as You give me my hearts desires may I be grateful for every opportunity.  Lord I surrender and commit everything I do to You Lord. Thank you Lord for the next promise as I TRUST You....Your word says you will help me.